Friday, March 16, 2018


A bit of nostalgia crops up occasionally, one such just now. Perhaps memories will be prodded by this blog of March 2010, written in the second March of Obama's first term to be compared to the second March of Trump's current (first?) term.

DNC Memorandum #10

From the office of Governor Tim Kaine, convener, 01 March 2010

***First, a word of apology for not advancing the regular monthly memorandum for February, though I had it scheduled for Feb. 29 but was advised that the day did not exist (little joke there). Recent days have been frantic, what with advising the president on his state-of-the-union address, explaining how those thoughtless interlopers crashed the first state dinner and beat their gums with the president, and later working with the president on teleprompter protocols that would guard against the use of terms such as corpse-man, Marine Corpse, and Peace Corpse. For those who have just graduated an Ivy League school, the word is corps, pronounced as the middle of an apple is. The rumor that the president said he mispronounced the word twice just to see if people were awake is not true and Rahm Emanuel said he would not do it again. A diversity-aware red/yellow/black/white paper will be issued soon to explain why the White House social secretary who staged the state dinner was disallowed to testify in Congress account executive privilege even though Attorney General Holder and Congressional democrats are still trying to drag in Bush colleagues Rove and Miers, also given executive privilege a while back.

***The latest rumor that Green-peace, Nader’s Raiders, NOW, Smokers Anonymous, and the nasty Congressional republican caucus have joined in exploring impeachment possibilities account the president’s continuing to smoke is untrue. Nader, speaking for the entire cabal that never was and never is and never will be, flatly denies any such effort and has insisted that these groups will not meet again. The president has explained that trying times call for extreme measures and that cigarette smoke clears not only his sinuses (especially the menthols) but also clears his head, citing as an example his smoking a complete carton the day before his Berlin speech in 2008 and winning over all of Europe to the concept that community-organizing is the very best preparation for being president. Pressperson Robert Glibs (okay…Gibbs, still a small joke there) has also explained that the president is not a threat to health-care-related expenses since he will die before getting so old that he will cost millions per month surviving into senility and actually is doing the country a favor by saving money. Caution: The DNC official position is that only idiots smoke for any reason other than head-clearing and that, even then, only geniuses qualify.

***Please be advised that in answer to questions about the president’s high-normal cholesterol condition you are to change the subject if possible; however, if the matter is beaten to death, simply say that Bush had good cholesterol, a condition that made him a poor president, and that President Obama is therefore risking his life (artery plaque-buildup, for recent college graduates) in order to be a good president. The rumor that Senator Kerry has offered one of his Purple Hearts to the president in honor of this sacrifice (if he can find one, that is…still looking along the fence over which he threw it in 1970) is untrue. Anyone finding a medal will be given a week’s vacation in Juarez but will have to furnish his/her own bodyguard.

***The health-care conference on 25 February was a huge success and staffers are reminded to use this lie in all contacts. Be careful in visual presentations not to use pictures/comments of Speaker Pelosi or Majority Leader Reid, who, sitting near the president, may or may not have been affected by the smell of Marlboro Menthols on the president’s clothes…allergies and all that. Senator Reid appeared as whining and Speaker Pelosi appeared as not being all-there at all. In sum, they didn’t help the cause and even furnished proof that the health-care panels enacted already in the legislation might have to rule adversely someday in any question as to spending money on their survival. In any case, do not – repeat – DO NOT use the term “trillion” in your presentations, since that scares the little people who don’t understand the vice president’s thesis concerning the proper way to use more and more spending in order to avoid bankruptcy. Rather, use some form of “billions” or, better, “thousands,” not that it actually matters much to the great unwashed, “Joe the Plumber” types.

***The president has begun his campaign for 2012 and White House deputy chief of staff Jim Messina will be campaign manager. At least, this is the latest poop, not the usual kind but the propaganda kind, although it’s all pretty much the same. The campaign will be run out of Chicago and not the Capital for obvious reasons. It’s well-known that John F. Kennedy won the presidency in 1960 on the back of the Chicago vote in which even more dead people than were enumerated in the cemetery records voted. In fact, former president Chester A. Arthur voted in Chicago even though he was born in Vermont, lived in New York, died in November 1886, and was a republican.

***Homeland Security Chief Napolitano has informed the DNC that she’s heard staffers using the terms terrorism and kill with reference to the Ft. Hood massacre perpetrated by Major Hasan. This has offended some Muslims, especially those close to the Rt. Rev. Dr. Honorable Imam Louis Farrakhan, whose help in the Chicago campaign is absolutely vital since living humans (and a multitude of cats and dogs) also vote in Chicago, so the massacre is to be described now as people breath-challenged by a man-caused disaster. Anyone violating this directive will be sent for attitude-adjustments to Senator Durbin’s indoctrination facility, though it is not to be called the Durbin Gulag and Killing-Field Center, as some around the bottled-water keg and non-trans-fat, non-hamburger (eating grease okay if Senator Biden does), non-hotdog, non-dairy-product-of-any-kind, non-chocolate, non-smoking (smoking okay if Obama lights up), veggie-fortified, yogurt-enhanced snack-bar and body-mass-chart, carbon-cap-graph, endangered-species-obituary-wall-chart, blue/red-state-map, and Bush-dart-board have been heard to do. Senator Durbin has explained that he meant only the American GIs in Iraq and Guantanamo (called Bush cowboys) are like Nazi Storm Troopers and Stalin’s “whoopee killers,” not the GIs President Obama has sent to Afghanistan (called peace-keepers). Napolitano is demanding a kinder and gentler FEMA, beginning with the proper verbiage.

***Until further notice, Congressman Rangel is not only not in prison but is still chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee. In view of the tax practices (or non-practices) of Treasury Secretary Geithner, the Ethics Committee is viewing Rangel’s mistake of a few hundred thousand dollars (who’s counting these days anyway?) as a mere slip of a pen by his chief clerk, who doesn’t understand Spanish real-estate contracts (or even English ones) and has accepted blame for all non-payments and lies, alleged, of course. Also, no money has been found in Rangel’s deep-freeze among the chicken wings, which proves that he’s far more ethical than former congressman Jefferson, who, at last report, was eating KFC smuggled into the Big House, where he’ll be living for a few more years.

And so it goes.
Jim Clark

Monday, February 19, 2018

WORD to the Wise?

When considering all the brouhaha these days concerning the (gasp) white-male mistreatment of women, especially in the workplace by saying offensive things (like the women do in their workplaces), one remembers back to February of 2010, Obama's second February of his presidency. Trump can take heart perhaps in this piece written during that time:

Dear President Obama:

I’m taking the liberty of contacting you with respect to your recent mispronunciation of the term “corpsman” in your state-of-the-union address, preferring instead to use the perfectly justifiable, phonetic “corpse-man” version, as any well-educated third-grader would also prefer. I’m sure you knew what you were doing and had a purpose for that particular pronunciation (English can be bothersome at times!), but on the very slight chance you simply goofed I’m offering you the services of the Institute for Modifying All Government Entities, known around Washington as simply IMAGE, of which I’m the CEO.

IMAGE has a record of serving elected officials for many years in many ways, helping them to reconfigure their various personae into ones that are more attractive and, more importantly, more believable. Former president Bush was offered IMAGE’s services when he mispronounced the term “nuclear” on a regular basis, but he declined, simply explaining that he did so on purpose because it made the pundits on CNN, MSNBC, ABC, CBS, and NBC (collective propaganda arm of the Democrat Party) froth at the mouth on camera when commenting on his speeches, to which they rarely listened, actually. He performed his “Texas swagger” for the same reason, though he regretted that Vladimir Putin threw his hip out of joint trying to imitate it, although to his knowledge neither his speech nor swagger ever made MSNBC’s Chris Matthews’ leg tingle.

The IMAGE bureau that would help you is named the Conference On Reconfiguring Presidential Semantic Errors, or CORPSE, for short. CORPSE would fashion for you a perfectly valid reason for your phonetic approach to speech, noting the history behind the nation’s halcyon days of top-flight education, when phonetics was important in teaching grade-schoolers how to both read and speak. A product of a later time, you could simply say that you made a sacrifice word-wise so that school pooh-bahs would get the message. Or, you could say that in your grade-school days in Indonesia you were not required to understand navy verbiage, and that in your high school days in Hawaii the term “corpse” was used on signs at beaches to warn surfers about the sharks; consequently, you felt the need to repeat that warning as a public service…maybe even referring to those nasty, insensitive republicans (little joke there).

Since your use of the term “corpse-man” involved one basic part of speech – the noun – the arm of IMAGE known as the Management of Adjectives and Nouns, obviously known simply as MAN, could help you or perhaps your speech-writers, since you used the noun “corpse” as an adjective to modify another noun, “man.” This is a no-no, as any fourth-grader would tell you. Applying MAN to the overall program would give you the tandem of CORPSE-MAN, in other words a feature to help you reconfigure your use of adjectives and nouns so that those vultures at Fox News would stop lampooning your teleprompters, not to mention most fourth-graders.

I’m sure you understand that the term “corpse-man” was gender-discriminatory, most likely because the ladies at the National Organization of Women have probably already been on your case. The rumor is that the NOW head honcho actually sent Rahm Emanuel a dead fish, blaming him for your teleprompter’s miscue, though she had to apologize to PETA and SPCA for such an insensitive fish-treatment.

One of our latest clients is Homeland Security chief Janet Napolitano, who also called attention to this rather obvious but just as obviously avoidable gaff by Emanuel or whoever handles the teleprompter operation, maybe Robert Gibbs, whom IMAGE has taught the proper use of the term “uh,” which I’m sure you notice he uses often. Ms. Napolitano reminded me that she introduced the term “man-caused disaster” to be used instead of terrorism, thus shifting all blame for mankind’s ills onto men, where it belongs.

As a result, IMAGE has put into operation a new department known as the Watchdog Overseeing Masculine Authority Nullification, or WOMAN, by its acronym. WOMAN will help you to avoid all references in your speeches that smack of gender-insensitivity or anti-diversity or homophobia or lack of appreciation for multiculturalism and cat-lovers. It would have prevented you last year, for instance, from characterizing Boston policemen as acting stupidly and being forced to bring that white cop down for a beer out in the garden. SCOTUS associate justice Sotomayor tried the same deal as Napolitano when she ruled that black firefighters should be promoted because of who they are, not what they know. That backfired in the SCOTUS, of course, so we have to be careful as to how far we can go with male nullification (little disclaimer there).

In any case, you can see how IMAGE can help you through the use of both CORPSE-MAN and CORPSE-WOMAN. It will help your teleprompter crew (phonetic pronunciations also available) or even yourself, assuming you may write your own remarks at times, to avoid the pitfalls associated with public comments. I hope to hear from you soon.

Warmest regards,
I.M. Otherself, CEO

Friday, January 19, 2018

Prexy Physical

The prexy had his physical,
Important, thus an annual,
And so the medic Admiral
Spoke to the press – unusual
At least in one-hour conference
Explaining that the evidence
Showed health intact,
In fact, quite good...collective fact.

The mainstream media fought back
With questions, comments – full attack
To make the case that prexy lacked
The stamina...and was half-cracked,
Such circumstances ruling out
His tenure, and of that no doubt,
But, truth to tell, they hated him
And meant to make his future dim.

The admiral had all the facts
And furnished numerous extracts
Like readings per cholesterol –
The L-D-L, H-D-L call,
Blood pressure and things glandular,
A heart quite strong, correct pulsar,
Cognition rated excellent,
Thus causing news-gang resentment.

The newsies were all primed to claim
The prexy crazy – brain of maim,
Since cognition was never part
Of physicals right from the start,
But prexy was a step ahead,
Requested testing of his head
On which he made a perfect score,
Thus in the press-room moan of roar.

A network turned over a rock
And found beneath its kind of doc
Who claimed the prexy's heart disease,
Of which was none, but would appease
Network, which likely crossed his palm
With gobs of greenbacks – soothing balm –
In case his conscience rubbed him raw
Or he was charged with breaking law.

One newsie ranted when apprised
That prexy never exercised
And all displayed aggravation
Since prexy ignored nutrition...
And so it was consensual
That prexy via physical
Was lucky just to be alive,
But doomed right soon his White House jive.

And so it goes.
Jim Clark

Tuesday, December 26, 2017

Facing Death

The current rash of terrorist-killings has upset the world, it seems, especially the U.S. There seems to be in the current generation the feeling that death is so unusual, when death is just the last act/episode of LIFE. This was written here in April 2007:

The Facing of Death

One wonders why today’s generation has such a problem with death, especially death of one considered “too young” or “too good” or “too anything.” The recent deaths at Virginia Tech bring the subject front and center again as similar instances of massacres in the past are replayed in the media, with the same exasperation regarding the necessity to bring about “closure,” usually by finding someone or some institution to blame.

This is not to disparage the grief expressed by a whole nation’s citizens in the VT matter, not to mention those directly affected such as parents and other relatives of the dead, but to remark that the notion that death and unhappiness seem unacceptable to the “now” generation. This is graphically seen every night in the newscasts as the media keeps count of the ones who have fallen in the war on terror and talk-show hosts such as John McLaughlin present a morbid accounting every Friday night, complete with humongous fatality-estimates regarding Iraqi civilians, the intention apparently being to account this nation as one big murderer.

A young man – probably deranged, though no one will ever know – took the lives of 32 people for no reason, since no reason for what he did is possible. He did it because he decided to do it. That explanation doesn’t bring comfort to parents, just as parents are not comforted when a drunk driver – for no reason – kills their child. Those killed happened to be in a killing field, whether at a university or on a highway, through no fault of their own. Some years ago, a drunk in northern Kentucky driving the wrong way on a four-lane highway slammed head-on into a church bus returning youngsters from a day at an amusement park and managed to kill 27 people and horribly burn others, while he was hardly affected. They happened to be in a killing field that night…no reason to die…but they did.

In 1982, there were 26,173 people killed in traffic deaths caused by drunk-drivers. That was 72 per day or well over twice the number killed at VT. In 2005, the traffic-deaths caused by drunks totaled 16,885, or 46 per day. Strangely, there was no outpouring of grief over drunks-induced traffic deaths on any day, and John McLaughlin did not bother to keep score, though they were caused by insensitive people with absolutely no reason to kill, the same as the circumstance at VT. Yet, there is an ongoing reaction in Blacksburg, Virginia, that will go on for weeks and then be revisited for years, just as the Columbine killings a few years ago.

The religious fundamentalist will say that death occurs just the way and at just the time God decided before he created the world, yet cautions people against doing bad things that could lead to their deaths. That’s his way of not taking any responsibility for anything that happens, without understanding the obvious contradiction. The atheist says, “no God, no reason, no reality, no nothing,” but rails against Christians for believing something, as if that should make a difference to them since it changes nothing. Others, whether religious or not, state the obvious, namely, that mankind has free will and has a lot to say about death, taxes, and everything else. These people mourn with a reason, but realize that answers will not be found to the killing fields anywhere this side of death itself, assuming another opportunity on the other side to discover the answers.

None of this is to say that there shouldn’t be grief when a loved one dies, or that there will ever be “closure” in the sense of understanding the mystical, the unknowable. During the1,642 actual days of combat in World Wars I and II (4.5 years), an average of 320 Americans died every day…10 times the number at VT on just one day out of decades in Blacksburg. Back home, people understood as well as they could. The deaths resulted from actions taken by German leaders who were unbelievably wicked or crazy or both…no reason for the killing fields, just as at Blacksburg, assuming the young killer was mad, seemingly the case as proven posthumously by his own account, or just plain evil.

During the Korean Conflict in 1950-53, an average of 35 Americans died every day for 1,095 days. In the long nightmare of Vietnam (7.5 years), 21 GIs died every day…2,737 days. Think of the Civil War – 340 dead per day for 1,460 days. The deaths happened to people from all over the country and were the results of madness and evil, but there was no racking, continuing vigil or ceremony in the capital, Washington, D.C., on those days…just the facing of the fact.

The counselors descended on VT in Blacksburg, as they do in any town at a high school when a student has been killed in a car wreck, an accident. This didn’t used to happen. The notion seems operative that young people or all people just have to have help in “getting through it,” as if death isn’t as much a part of life as life itself – an absolute even more certain than life. Surely this generation is not so fragile that its members cannot accept death – no matter the horrific circumstances and lack of reason – as a matter of course and, without a lot of folks weeping, hugging, and encouraging them to be upset, just dry their tears, attend or tend to the rites, and get on with their lives.

And so it goes.
Jim Clark

Thursday, October 12, 2017

October 2009

It's interesting occasionally to look back at what was happening in the previous administration at about the same time as that of the present one. With the ladies taking over the court system these days, problems with appropriate bathroom-use, girls joining the Boy Scouts (along with homosexuals and transgenders [whatever they actually are]) and the no-surprise perfidies of Hollywood, a look at the below, offered in October 2009, might provoke thought.

Obama & Rampant Sexism!

In the midst of all the current turmoil regarding the recession, Afghanistan, Iraq, nukes in Iran and North Korea, health-care, unemployment, cap-and-trade, Fox News, Rush Limbaugh, and whether or not the president smokes or the vice president knows the current meaning of “fluffernutter,” an even greater issue has reared its ugly head, namely, the insensitivity of the president with regard to the blatant discrimination/sexism exhibited in his all-male White House basketball games.

The dear leader made matters even worse in an interview with a lady reporter by labeling the resulting and entirely predictable outcry from the women’s groups as BUNK. Oh, dear Gertrude! That sexist remark was the straw that absolutely broke the camel’s back, an actual metaphorical camel, not the cigarette variety, and, of course, a metaphorical MALE camel.

One wonders if the nation can trust a president who is so shallow and gender-indifferent that he doesn’t recognize that no basketball game can be considered politically correct with regard to DIVERSITY without women participants. And to was largely the women’s vote that put the rascal in the catbird’s seat, in the first place! The ingrate! The majority of men went for septuagenarian McCain (admittedly not a hunk, like the Big O), who, in referencing Lady Hillary’s million-dollar earmark for a “Woodstock Museum,” reckoned that he was otherwise occupied in 1969. It’s a sure bet that there were no women in the Hanoi Hilton.

So...what was a president on the run from the lady voters to do about this matter, earth-shaking in its political – yea, even its governmental – implications? He responded immediately (the very next day?) by doing a round of golf with a female employed in his administration...yeah, a One can only wonder at the thrill of it all, although making golf-course whoopee (defined as any hole played in less than five over par) might not look too good...that family thing, doncha know? But Ms. Obama will just have to understand.

The president erred, of course, by not inviting the lady to a basketball game. That would have been the only way to actually set matters right. The ladies didn’t complain because of a golf goof...they were “mad as hell and we won’t take it anymore” over a basketball game. After all, that’s “where the boys are,” not a mere twosome or foursome, as in golf. The gals have made it plain, especially since the game was between a gaggle of congressmen and the president’s men, that sexist shady deals were the real reason for the supposed sport, not just one-on-one grandstanding, like in the NBA.

One wonders what the outcry would have led to if the boys of October had decided on football instead of basketball and actually invited the ladies to an event in which Rahm Emanuel, known for his bloodthirsty spirit, might have bitten off a lady-finger. Or...what would the ladies have complained about if the guys had decided on a wrestling match? Hey...that would have been a show, better than the one put on by Senator Harry Reid the other day during a press conference, when he put his arm around Speaker Pelosi. Whew...just thinking about it!!!!

One thinks back to 2002, when the ladies rose up in arms because the Augusta National Golf Club in Georgia – known internationally for the premier Masters Golf Tournament – didn’t have any female members and, what’s more, didn’t intend to have any and still doesn’t have any. The gals screamed bloody murder (and sexism, of course) and contrived to drive Augusta out of the international circuit. Indeed, the tournaments of 2003 and 2004 had no TV sponsors, but the Augusta guys thumbed their collective noses and bankrolled the thing anyway. The golfers (even those with wives, daughters and sisters) paid the whole thing no mind. Nobody who was eligible was about to miss the most honored golf event in this country.

If the president had a clue, he would have paid this thing no mind, just as he would pay no mind to Fox News and Rush Limbaugh, instead of singling them out for his disdain. He should have taken a page from Augusta, where wimps need not apply. Okay, so Augusta is private while the White House is public. Not necessarily! When the president uses it as his residence for a basketball game, for example, it is not public, but private, notwithstanding the venue for “shady deals.” If that were not the case, all the White House bathrooms would be open to the public.

Tempest in a teapot? Well, of course! The president trivialized his office by paying attention to something belonging only to those who scream “sexism” about nearly everything. There are nearly 100 women in the Congress. They can have a basketball game any old day in the congressional gymnasium and it’s a lead-pipe cinch that neither the prez nor any of the legislators would be caught dead near it, that is, with their bodies joining their brains these days.

And so it goes.
Jim Clark

Tuesday, August 22, 2017


His line of work is protesting
No matter what the cause may be,
He has the tools for anything
Protester-boss happens to see
As slowing down the protest-plan
Like mean policeman with his tase
Who quickly springs it rather than
Just dodge warm spit—protester-craze!

To qualify for protest-job
One has to have morality
With relativity its throb
So even a fatality
Is, ipso facto, right or wrong
Depending upon who is dead
Or who is weak and who is strong –
Demands a conscience also dead.

Protesting-training is a must –
Just how to march, carry a sign
Or learn how someone's head to bust
Then run and find the retreat line,
Thus then return with street-smart hires,
Disrupting meeting in process
By vandalizing stores, set fires
And make of cops a bloody mess.

The college students are the best
At protesting than all the rest,
Indoctrinated in protest
At professorial behest,
Reflecting academia
Now governed by the hippie-creed...
Just bash and smash...brains gone to seed.

Protesting-wage is not that bad,
Cool billionaire's cough up the cash,
No longer is protest a fad,
A good protester builds a stash;
Protesters travel everywhere
But rarely for republicans,
The democrats no cost will spare
To have them hound republicans.

Simplistic is protest-credo –
Disrupt no matter how contrived –
Yelling, screaming, body-blows,
Gassing, burning, all connived
To break up peaceful, legal crowd,
Belabor cops and burn their cars,
No limit to what is allowed...
Stop speech-freedom and leave some scars.

And so it goes.
Jim Clark

Thursday, July 27, 2017

Transgender GI

The liberal nose is out of joint now because Trump reckons that the military would profit by not getting stuck with sex-changes for its members, who in process might have hormonal relapses or gone-wrong surgeries (maybe infections installing vaginas in men who would rather be women) requiring their absence from the wars here and there. Recruiting nightmare...folks joining up for free sex-changes. Egad!

Transgender GI

The prexy ruled transgenders be
Recruited militarily
Because correct diversity
Means even monkeys must be free
From stigma whether he or she
As per one's sex-reality
And not to what apparently
Was Nature's way...mistakenly?

And so a he who is a she
Reports to boot-camp grudgingly
And finds her clothes are dungaree
As if she is another he;
She gives her name as Mary Lee
And finds her skivvies not panty
But boxer-shorts unwittingly
Thrown in her arms in great, good glee.

Then off to barracks—hup-two-three—
And to the restroom speedily
Only to find disgustingly
Those urinals...oh my, oh me,
And grown men standing easily
Before them, maybe two or three,
Exposed...oh yes...genitally...
Oh dear! Such trauma to a she.

The drill sergeant, no wit had he,
Had not seen femininity
And had not seen her purse to be
A sign that she was not a he;
Thus later off to Barracks B,
Where female GIs all would be
Exposed to her, a fellow she,
And great, good glee.

And so it goes.
Jim Clark