Thursday, August 30, 2012

Civil War...Whose War?

Big news – quite predictable – but BIG news nevertheless, to wit, that Iran is sending troops to Syria to make sure the Assad regime doesn’t go under, though it probably wouldn’t have anyway. Syria is not Egypt or Tunisia, where insurgents gained a foothold, if only by screaming. It also is not Libya, meaning that no U.S. intervention even though as badly and unjustifiably engaged as it was in that benighted nation, will happen.

Regardless of which party dominates Congress and/or the administration, the U.S. mindset regarding any nation that is 96% Muslim or better – therefore ruled by a handful of religious fanatics – is so deficient as to make this country look silly. If the president wanted to get a leg-up on the election, he would put out an order today for instant non-attachment with Afghanistan, thereby removing all U.S. forces immediately, if not sooner. It’s perfectly obvious by now that U.S.-type democracy is not possible in Muslim nations, in which life is considered anything but sacred, directly antithetical to the American mindset.

The reason for withdrawal is obvious, namely, that when a U.S. soldier is shot in the back by a supposed friend he is attempting supposedly to train, the time has come to either leave the country or wipe it out, neither of which plan is on the table currently, with the U.S. scheduled to have troops there to be back-shot through 2014, never mind the cowardly treachery of the “friends.” Putting on some kind of “brave front” (for others) on the part of both the administration and the military hierarchy is just as treacherous vis-à-vis the American GI, who is trained to fight or fight back but never taught how to dodge the bullet of a coward…for good reason – there’s no way to do it.

Isolated “death by treachery” incidents happen and these are an expected part of any military action, but the Afghan treacheries are not isolated. They are a part of the Muslim plan and they have taken many NATO lives just this year alone. Bullets-in-the-back and roadside bombs are routine for the Muslim fighter, to whom someone else’s life is of no consequence and is subject to execution by any means available.

When I was in fifth-grade, a new kid my age moved to town and we became fast friends. The son of missionaries, he had spent most of his childhood in then-Persia, now known as Iran. In later years, he explained the mindset of the Iranian with respect to his dealings with others. The objective is to outdo the other, no matter what it takes. In business, it’s cheating. In any kind of physical struggle, it’s no-holds-barred…anything goes. Success is measured by how completely the opponent is defeated. In business, bankruptcy works! In a struggle, complete incapacitation or death! This is indeed the credo of the governing/militant Muslims, whether Shiite or Sunni or Alwite or whatever.

The TV reporters, without a scintilla of evidence (all hearsay), semi-hysterically caterwaul every evening about the massacres in Syria, now said to be about 20,000, though no one has even the slightest idea of the actual number. This is roughly equal to the alleged number of massacres in the early 80s perpetrated by Bashar Assad’s father, who was then head of state. The TV folks seem to want President Obama to just “do something,” as if he could. Imagine taking on the Syrians and the Iranians half-a-world away while facing fiscal bankruptcy and fighting a hopeless war in Afghanistan! Anyhow, the prez is too busy defining perverted marriage.

Obama went ’way out on a limb when he publicly – for all the world to hear – told Assad he had to go. The clear implication (undoubtedly thought authentic by Syrian insurgents) was that if he didn’t ol’ U.S. prexy would do a number on him, maybe like in Libya, where Obama declared his own war without even a nod to Congress, so afraid of the racism problem that not one legislator had the nerve to institute impeachment proceedings, with Obama demonstrably culpable…a slam-dunk since Libya posed no threat to the national security of any nation, especially that of the U.S. U.S. and NATO planes rained down havoc on innocent Libyan civilians for seven months, with NATO officials all the while jabbering propaganda about “only military targets” and spouting demagoguery regarding Qaddafi’s meanness. Of course he was mean, just like Bashar Assad and his father. On the other hand, was Abe Lincoln mean when he handled an insurrection that turned into a civil war and cost 600,000 American lives, nearly all white men?

Obama and State Secretary Clinton have made a laughingstock of this nation, never understanding either the mindset of Muslims or the folly of encouraging a rebellion that would be successful in only one way – the deaths of thousands of Syrians, who had a right to feel that they had been misled by the mightiest nation on earth. About Obama’s “Osama Caper,” Counter-terrorism Adviser John Brennan said this in May 2011: “one of the most gutsiest calls of any president in recent memory.” Such is the shallowness of this administration. How gutsy was his call to murder Libyans, with a population two million less than that of New York City?

This administration has absolutely no foreign policy. Any change would be an improvement.

And so it goes.
Jim Clark

Sunday, August 26, 2012

"Under the Bus" Crawls Again

It's mid-afternoon in a room over the Anything Goes Bar on a busy street in South Chicago. In attendance are university professors William Ayers and his wife Bernardine Dohrn, the Rev. Dr. Jeremiah Wright and presidential press-person Jay Carney, hereinafter referenced as A, D, W and C, respectively.

**W: Welcome, Mr. Carney, to the Union to Negate Demeaning of Erudite Realists, Theologians and Honest Educators Basic to the United States.

**C: Uh…the what?

**W: You mean you don’t know what the…in fact, I figured you’re here to join, now that you right soon might be rode out of that Washington nuthouse, whichever way the election goes.

**A: Maybe you’ve heard of it by its acronym, Carney, Under the Bus. It’s made up of the people who’ve been…

**W: kicked off the team because they stood up for…

**D: Oh…don’t be so whiny, Rev. Just because Barry had to disown you after that awful performance at the National Press Club…after all, you got your reparations in the 1960s and…

**W: We ain’t got no reparations yet Bernardine, and I’ll thank you to call me Doctor, not Rev.

**A: What brings you to this exclusive club, Carney? By the way, we aren’t the only members. I guess you remember Tom Daschle, for instance.

**C: I seem to vaguely remember something about Daschle voluntarily dropping his uh…uh… nomination. Commander-in-Chief mentioned something about it, blamed the FBI, CIA, NEA, DEA, Homeland Security, the Joint Chiefs and even the BSA for rotten vetting and…

**W: Rotten vetting…hoo-hah! I’m still laughing. Daschle coughed up $104,000 in back taxes – or maybe more, who knows – to buy that…hey, you just like Glibs when he was here last year with that C-in-C stuff. Old Barry still tryin’ to be a military genius? Hoo-hah-hahahaha. He said days, not weeks, about Libya…lasted seven months and whipped up a whole lot o’ Libyan carcasses to win his little war with Qaddafi.

**C: We don’t use that term in public but uh, uh, uh…yes…, C-in-C makes everybody use it in private, but I’m not…uh, uh… here to talk about that. Comman…uh, the president wonders what the organized community thinks about his chances in November. That Ryan guy is bad news…too smart by half and makes Geithner look like a first-grader, not to mention being the tax-cheat that came in from the cold and uh…uh…uh…

**D: You been reading le Carre, huh, Jay? I love those spy novels…umbrellas tipped with poison, snipers at two miles with laser-sights, suicide bombers…ah, so much blood and gore. I’m sure Charles Manson must have…

**A: Stop it, Bernardine, those days are gone forever! I’m still wondering how the 9/11 guys felt flying into the Pentagon, our old haunt for a bit of Vietnam bomb-throwing. But we introduced our man Barry to the Illinois Legislature…right?

**W: Yeah, and what you got now Bill? Grease on your face from bein’ under the bus so long, while the man plays golf. Oh, hoo-hahahaha…

**C: Uh…uh…uh, that’s not helping me out much. C-in-C is certain to win Chicago but he still wants to know just how big his win here will be, uh…uh…uh…big enough to beat the rest of the state, in other…uh…words.

**D: Mayor Emanuel has told the gang-bangers to take their shootouts into the alleys and quit catching kids in their cross-fires on the streets. That oughta tell you he’s a tough customer and Chicagoans will vote just the way he says…two or three times (giggles) along with their relatives in the cemeteries. I’ve volunteered to slice off the horse-heads in case he needs to make believers out of the precinct people and union thugs by leaving them on their doorsteps. Just whip out that old al Qaeda scimitar and slash…slash…whoopee – eat your heart out, Charles Manson.

**W: Stuff it, Bernardine. You musta stabbed the family cat with a fork again this morning. Anyway, Carney, ol’ Rahm’s already told ChicFilA they can’t come in this city with their weird views on marriage. That oughtta tell ya somethin’. Forces me to drive over to Gary or somewhere to get my favorite food. My denomination, the UCC – I’m still its highest profile preacher – says men oughtta marry men if they want to and probably the family dog if they get in a certain fit of passion. Hoo-hahahahaha…let ’em marry and clone no tellin’ what.

**A: Don’t just listen to these characters, Jay. You’re getting it from the horse’s mouth when I tell you that I have a group that’s prepared to blow up anything and everything to make sure Barry gets reelected. A second term is vital if we’re ever to get this sorry country on the road to anarchy, where it ought to be.

**C: I thought your mantra was uh…uh…uh socialism or communism, Bill. You’re telling me that C-in-C actually wants to just throw the country into chaos instead of good old-fashioned socialism?

**A: Carney, did you ever take history 101? Barry’s smart, although he didn’t take any history course seriously, especially while living-in with those white gals who thought he was a hunk. Why do you think he promised a national police force big as the army in 2008?

**C: Uh…uh, well…uh…I guess, just to keep order throughout the nation – all these murders going on and…

**A: Whew…it’s still possible for stupidity to stalk the halls of government in Washington, in Congress and in the White House, too.

**W: Barry listened when I told ’im to think audaciously, Carney. Having his own police force is the same as Hugo having his in Venezuela…and you know how he rules, doncha? That’s how the reparations will come about…by an executive order that can’t be beat, just like the executive order that filled the military with homosexuals – all part of the big picture that tears down the opposition. Who needs an army anymore…just go to the UN and find out what to do…like Libya. O’ course, ya have to carry a big stick to handle the UN.

**D: And Barry’s got the women’s vote because of his stand for partial-birth abortion (giggles) stab the little buggers in the neck just as they…

**W: And don’t forget he’s for all them condoms everywhere. He campaigned with that Fluke woman on government support for ecstasy…called Obamacondomcare. And the women will flock to the voting booths to guard abortion…any kind of abortion. Probably Barry’ll come up with a new gun law to disarm men while arming the women with both a gun and a condom, whichever emergency comes first. Oh, hoo-hahahhaha…

**A: So, y’see, Jay, we got Chicago covered. It’s the rest of the country that’s the worry. We got about as many votes as whole states, like Kentucky, where Barry’s thought of as sorta weird, born in Africa, and believes that Baptists grab their Bibles and chase illegal Mexicans with their sawed-off shotguns. With all the “dead” votes added here, we can outdo Kentucky and West Virginia and Tennessee, too.

**C: Well…uh…uh…uh…uh…(Carney leaves)

**A: I guess that was about the smartest thing he said…right?

**W: Right!

**D: Right! (wild laughter)

And so it goes.
Jim Clark

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Biden Stump-Speech

The following is an imagined stump speech by Vice President Biden before the NAACP in – let’s say – Danville, Virginia, though it could be anywhere. [teleprompter notes included but not often noticed, same as the teleprompter]

Brothers and sisters, it’s great to be back here in North Carolina, where the Panthers are the best baseball team in the U.S. of A., maybe even the world. What I have to say is not fluffernutter, the famous word I used in 2008 to describe every speech by John Edwards, whether it’s in the dictionary or not. I’m everything he would not have been as vice president if Kerry had been elected in 2004, except filthy rich, of course, not that riches are filthy, unless they’re Mitt Romney’s riches…can I get an amen to that? (wait for foot-stomping and cheers)

I’m sure you know I speak with great authority but I’ll just remind you that I stared down Alberto Gonzales, Bush’s attorney general for those who are Yale graduates, (pause for boos) in that famous Senate hearing and said – verbatim – “I’ll be watching you, buddy.” (if no clapping, change Yale to Duke)

You may remember that I was the Judiciary Committee chairman that grilled Uncle Thomas Clarence unmercifully in his nomination hearing and then voted against his appointment to the Supremes (self-deprecating laughter), not the musical group (pause for more laughter and roll eyes) but that bipolar bunch in robes, except for the ladies, o’ course, and maybe Breyer…or is it Rehnquist…or…where the hell’s that…oh, there it is…hahahaha…got off the teleprompter there for a sec.

Yesiree, as we say in Dover, I was actually voting for Anita Hill that day and all women that’ve been stood-up by some stud and we democrats had the majority but the race card caught us…though I haven’t figured out how since they were both…but I digress…back to the big “T.”

Just let me explain what I meant in 2008 when I said the presidency was not an on-the-job-training program for less-than-one-term senators. (look wise and soulful) President Obama was better prepared than even George Washington, who was the wisest democrat ever. I meant my remarks for that idiot from Alaska, Mike Gravel, with his stance on homosexuality being accepted in the military and…uh…well, strike that…I mean…

A lot’s been said about the president’s evolving on the marriage question from “not good” to…well, “not bad"…or “not so bad,” or what’s the big #@%$&*# deal in the first place? (put on your diversity look – big smile – lots of teeth). Two guys wanna get married…look, they’re probably already…you know…sheesh, where’s that #%$&^* teleprompter? Remember when Big Ted went after that Bush nominee for surgeon general – guy named Holsinger? This doctor had written a paper on the dangers of rectal intercourse and still expected to be surgeon general. Big Ted, the most famous democrat ever to drown a car, didn’t even let the nomination get out of committee. That’s what the party and the president stand for – diversity and never mind that silly law Bill Clinton signed, the Defense of Marriage Act. Barack has said it’s unconstitutional and he knows ’cause he’s a constitutional scholar. Just ask ’im yourself.

And about that five-letter-word “chains” I mentioned a few days ago. (don’t stop here, no matter how loud the boos) I didn’t mean any reference to you-know-what in the you-know-where with the you-know-who in the you-know-when. Sheesh…who did this teleprompter? I may have to try that again. Anyway, the chains I meant were the ones on the front-porch swing, where Romney brags that everyone will take it easy, pay less taxes and have it good when he’s elected. Instead of chains, I should’ve said something about soup lines…that’s where y’all will be. (pause for o-o-h-ing and a-a-h-ing) This administration’s kept the unemployment rate down to somewhere around a measly 8.5 percent and the unemployment/welfare rate ’way up, just like Barack promised it would be. So…just like that old Gershwin song had it, “What could ask for anything more?” Hey, you folk got it chicken-lickin’ good.

Now let me explain what the president meant when he said in that speech of superb eloquence that entrepreneurs couldn’t hack it without the government. (pause while people wake up) He didn’t mean they weren’t smart or didn’t work hard enough…he just meant that…that…where’s that #%$@^*# teleprompter again…he just meant…oh well, that’s no #%$^&#&# big deal anyway. Everybody knows that the entitlement crowd’s figured out the best deal in town…just sign the papers and let the good times roll. Y’all got Barack to thank for that, so truck on down to the ballot box and show your appreciation. In the meantime, don’t let any o’ those strange folks in the Convenient stores – you can tell by that Indian accent – rob ya blind on the food stamps.

Back in 2007…or 2008…somewhere in there in that diner, I made it plain that Barack was articulate, clean, bright, nice looking and a storybook. In other words, brothers and sisters, I made him what he is and I’m proud o’ that. It’s like when FDR went on TV in thirty-nine and said Churchill was a great man, and look who won the war to end all wars…or at least some war…what happened to that #@&%^$* teleprompter again?

Finally, to let you know my heart’s in the right place, I’ll just mention that Dr. Jill and I gave seven dollars a week to charity from 1998 to 2007. It was right there on the tax returns we released – seven whole dollars in that three-letter word week for ten years. What I’m sayin’ is that you folk can throw in more than just change to the campaign and I’ll close by sayin’ God love y’all…even if ya can’t stand.

And so it goes.
Jim Clark

Monday, August 13, 2012

POTUS, Jekyll & Hyde

It’s just past one a.m. in the little room off the Oval Office and Dr. Jekyll and his alter ego Mr. Hyde are meeting with POTUS and his press czar, Jay Carney, hereinafter referenced as J, H, P, and C, respectively, if not necessarily respectfully.

**P: Now that we’re…

**J: I say, Edward, do you suppose this upstart colonist never learns?

**P: Oh…I forgot, Henry. (turning to Carney) Step into the Oval Office, Jay, and get it ready. Remember, these guys threatened to leave in January if we met in this…

**H: Ah yes…this den of iniquity as so desecrated by the your Slick William and the intern. I say, did William ever get around to shutting her up for good…maybe a strangulation with one of the strings from the piano in the East Room…eyes bulging, Hillary wondering at the noise…

**J: Edward…really! (turns to P) He watched another rerun of the Godfather on the plane and…but what he actually means is that a president should exert strict discipline, especially on feisty interns. (Carney returns and they leave for the Oval Office)

**H: Egad, Henry, do I see Styrofoam cups again…and no tea, not that we appreciate being reminded of tea anyway…that Boston Harbor uprising among the peasants, and now that dreadful tea party. But we were right in January about there being no American Spring…right Barry?

**P: You were right and we made it through the Operation Wall Street uprising…

**J: Barry, we are not guys. That sounds so…well, thuggish. We’re gentlemen of the highest water and…by the way, if we don’t see some porcelain in the next five minutes…

**P: Sorry about that Henry. I just forgot…awful tough game of golf today…shot a 109 but, of course, a 75 for the newspapers. Jay, go below and get a ration of grog and some crumpets and…

**C: I’ll try, commander-in-chief, but I think the galley crew has gone on liberty.

**H: Grog, crumpets and he calls you c-in-c, Barry! He was doing that in January, too. Do you plan to engage the presidential yacht in broadsides at the republicans?

**P: It’s navy-month again, Edward, like it was in January. Each service is used once every four months for lingo and whatever else applies. I’m trying to learn something about the military in this election year. Jay doesn’t call me c-in-c in public but everyone does in private. It builds my confidence. The Joint Chiefs Chairman doesn’t like it but he follows orders.

**J: Confidence my John Bull lapel pin, Barry! Hahahahaha…it feeds your ego.

**H: Since it’s navy month you might keelhaul the JCC, Barry…right out there in the Potomac! Pipe all hands to the Rose Garden and…

**J: Really, Edward! He just means that you’re doing your job well when you make examples of the crew, Barry. But…keelhaul…I think not, Barry. The peasants might arise.

**H: I got it, Barry – water-board the bloke down at the CIA Farm. Nobody will know. I’d like to watch.

**J: Stop it, Edward. Since Barry sent the bust of Churchill back to the queen on his first day in office the CIA hasn’t liked us, or the FBI, or the DEA, or maybe even the NEA. (Carney returns with some libations and cookies)

**C: Sorry about the mismatched cups, Commander-in-Chief, but the galley gang was gone and these doughnuts were all I could find.

**H: The recession is worse than I thought, Henry. Imagine serving doughnuts to guests! And these look as if they’ve been in a corn-hole game, at that. I’ll take a pass, Jay, and guard against gastric upsets…you know, Washington’s revenge, oh hahahahaha…

**J: I say, Barry, just why did you invite us this time, not that I don’t know, of course, because we’re always right.

**P: I need advice for my campaign. Romney’s just picked this Ryan guy as his running mate and Ryan knows more about economics than even the Treasury secretary.

**J: Which is to say that by comparison you don’t know a treasury bill from a gas bill, Barry. That must be why you’re dodging the jobs issue by telling all the old codgers Ryan means to let them die so they’ll be scared into voting for old Moneybags Barry and keep their Medicare…

**H: Which you’ve already cut by hundreds of billions, Barry, and Ryan will out you for that and make the old folks dissolve into weeping, wailing, and gnashing of teeth. You need to get a special ops bloke to off Ryan and – VOILA – problem solved…old AK-47 to the rescue.

**J: What Edward means, of course, Barry, is that Ryan must simply be neutralized, you know…Chicago style. Dig up some dirt.

**C: Uh…uh…uh…uh…

**J: Mr. Carney, I’ve watched your press conferences and you use that term quite often. What precisely does it mean?

**C: Well…uh, that is…I mean…Ryan’s as clean as a hounds tooth, as we say in…as we say in…

**P: Jay means we’ve tried for months to dig up dirt on Ryan and can’t find anything.

**H: Can’t find anything? Can’t find any dirt on a politician…any politician? Impossible!

**J: Well then, Barry, you’ll just have to borrow one of those Hollywood screenwriters who love you so much and tell him to write up some solid dirt on Ryan, then put it on the teleprompter and…

**H: I know just the subject, Barry. Tie him to that girl who’s been campaigning with you. What’s her name? I remember, it’s Fluke, the girl whose friends are all losing their significant others because they can’t afford enough condoms to keep them and their guys happy, something you think should be fixed, maybe by your healthcare bill. O-o-o-o-oh…the scandal…

**J: Why yes, Edward. You’re right. She told all those people in the hearing in Congress that the poor girls were unable to keep their minds on their subjects…a sort of mental illness caused by condom-denial…post-condom-traumatic-stress-disorder.

**H: Then you can become the tough condommander-in-chief and arm the ladies with…oh hahahahaha…

**P: How does that sound, Jay? Can you handle that in a press conference?

**C: Uh…uh…uh…uh…

**J: Come, Edward, let us leave. I’ve never been able to stand it for very long in the colonies.

And so it goes.
Jim Clark

Thursday, August 09, 2012

Obama & Character Assassination

The sure sign of intuiting an impending doom in a political campaign occurs when the campaigner, instead of either discussing substance or protecting a record in the case of incumbency, resorts to attempting to assassinate the character of his opponent…sort of like hating the message and therefore killing the messenger. Whether he or his apparatchiks commit the slander, he must take the responsibility for the sleazy methodology.

President Obama has taken pains to make it clear that he functions as Commander-in-Chief of the armed forces, notwithstanding his obvious ignorance with respect to anything military. Like former prexy Clinton, he probably “loathes” the military and is reminded of that loathing every time he approaches his personal helicopter or makes one of his near-daily trips on Air Force One for transportation somewhere to make yet another campaign speech – all those uniforms and all that silly saluting. Now, however, he has a new appellation, to wit, “Liar-in-Chief.”

One of the president’s prime campaign-slanderer-sycophants is Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, who may not genuflect in the dear leader’s presence, as Obama did before the Saudi Arabian honcho in 2009, but comes close. Reid, without a scintilla of proof or the naming of any sources, has recently declared that “the word is out” that Romney has paid no taxes for ten years, despite the fact that his 2010 return was published (paid more than $3 million in income taxes), with the 2011 return to be published as soon as it’s filed, not that it matters. Romney has indicated that it will be about the same.

The enormity of this lie is seen in the fact that in the last ten years Romney was either Massachusetts governor or running for the presidency in 2008. If he hadn’t been paying taxes, that fact would have been trotted out long ago, and certainly in the past decade. Reid, during whose current tenure no budget has been passed in more than a thousand days, undoubtedly at the president’s bidding, is a pathetic if not psychopathic liar, besides which his legislative ability wallows in profound incompetence.

Neither Reid, Minority Leader Pelosi nor Democrat National Committee Chairperson/Florida Congressperson Schultz have allowed their tax returns to be published but are either too stupid to understand their hypocrisy or, as they charge Romney, “have something to hide,” such as offshore accounts not susceptible to taxation. Theirs is a brazen, callous position perpetrated in their elitist belief that the average citizen is too dumb to notice. The scary thing is…they may be right.

The latest ad festering out of the Obama crowd accuses Romney, as Bain Capital’s CEO, of killing someone’s wife because she died of cancer absent any health insurance. When she became ill, Romney was no longer running Bain and when she died he hadn’t run the company for many years, besides which it turns out that she had insurance for two years before her death. The Obama campaign knows all this but the ad airs anyway – a complete and total fabrication from the Liar-in-Chief, who wallows in this slimy ooze, like a pig slopping garbage, perhaps his way of celebrating Ramadan, currently in progress. The woman’s husband was the star of the TV-ad, but no mention has been made of how much he was paid for dancing on his wife’s grave.

Even later is the information oozing out now from the democrat propaganda machine known as the Huffington Post that Romney started his business with money made available by El Salvadoran “families” that used “death squads” in their business dealings. Again, no names have been offered as providing the proof of this, though it could well have happened since it isn’t hard to believe that businesses in Latin America in the 1980s did just that. Until Obama or his minions furnish concrete proof that Romney had knowledge of such a thing, POTUS remains Liar-in-Chief.

As for life and death issues, Obama voted affirmatively in the 1997 Illinois legislature for partial-birth abortions, the actual murder of newborns since they are partly out of the womb when dispatched, then jerked out like a bad appendix and thrown away. He may actually have voted “present,” as was his custom, but since a yes vote would have protected the infant he voted to kill the baby. In other words, he comprised a “death squad” of one, placing him on a par with the wicked El Salvadorans.

POTUS was campaigning in Colorado the other day – on the theme of “Romney’s war against women” – with Sandra Fluke…yeah, THAT Sandra, who testified before a Congressional panel set up by Minority Leader Pelosi a while back to the effect that the women law students at her school (Georgetown…Catholic…no insurance to cover the passion-pit activity) simply could not afford enough condoms (costing $1,000 per year) to satisfy their sexual habits. The Big-Box stores sell them for $9.00 a month but apparently the elite students would only accept the exotic ones…maybe lubricated with WD-40 and spirits of caviar.

Romney’s war against women! Yeah…Liar-in-Chief rides again.

And so it goes.
Jim Clark

Saturday, August 04, 2012

DNC Memorandum #10

From the office of the ChairWOMAN, 04 August 2012

**LISTEN UP! In case you’re whining about no memorandum since May, forget it! Stuff it! I’ve been busy sabotaging the House, offering advice to POTUS, and taking trips to resort areas in view of upcoming DNC conclaves. POTUS has said that people should be spending more than a drunken sailor, the better to get the economy rolling, but has not authorized free whiskey at Walmarts, as has been claimed. A program is now in the works for the exchange of old energy-guzzling clunker-refrigerators/stoves/AC-units for new solar-paneled ones, with $2,000 available for each transaction. This might make a problem on cloudy days but POTUS has said all spoiled food will be replaced and that patriotic people should not care anyway…the same for paying up to 90% of income in taxes.

**Do not – repeat, DO NOT – ever mention the POTUS masterpiece Dreams from My Father during the campaign since researchers have not yet found any actionable (good CIA term) dirt on Romney, other than that his wife rides horses, a blatant abuse of the creatures, whom Head Czar Sunstein and PETA insist should be entitled to legal services. POTUS went to some trouble to describe in the book his heavy use of alcohol and other drugs. That was a selling point for the youth vote in 2008, but it’s passé now since old codgers, who frown on such stuff, outnumber young voters, who are mad because, not finding employment anywhere but fast-foods, they’ve been forced to move back in on their parents, who in most cases will not ante up for the mary jane. Also, POTUS’s old girl-friends (okay…roommates, partners…whatever) have come out of the woodwork (imagine love letters, too) and fornication is still frowned on by old Baptists in the South who don’t know how to have fun. So…stay off the personal stuff. Romney’s folks will be digging anyway, so don’t do them any favors.

**Since Memorandum #8, there has been a request from the White House for research on the god that SCOTUS Justice Thomas worships. It was noted in a West Virginia speech by the Rev. Dr. Jeremiah Wright (forget that God damn America stuff), who never tells a lie, that Thomas, who says he is a Catholic, worships another god, but didn’t say which one, though it most likely is not the Rev. Dr. Imam Ayatollah Louis Farrakhan…so don’t go there. I want on my desk a red/yellow/black/white paper entitled Justice Thomas’s Paganism no later than 15 August concluding this subject. For Harvard Law grads, names like Buddha, Confucius, Zen, Obamessiah (little joke there) might ring a bell. Since diversity is a sacred tenet of the DNC, Great White Father might be another place not to go, not even on the Reservations, where casinos, not heaven, are considered the Happy Hunting Ground.

**Do not make a big deal out of the Chick-fil-A protests. Mayor Rahm Emanuel agreed to make the White House noise on this issue by inviting this restaurant never to come to Chicago, which has a stockyard rather than a henhouse history, though that had nothing to do with homosexuals marrying each other. The whole thing backfired, with the restaurant having its best day ever after Huckabee’s declaration of 01 August as Normal Marriage Day. The staffer who sent Emanuel a dead fish will be disciplined. The DNC’s position on marriage is simply that people can marry anything they like – male, female, work, Old Granddad-100-proof. POTUS may enlarge the privilege if elected, so choose your spots regarding the kinky town-halls held in bars or houses of ill-repute, and strip-joints. Head Czar Sunstein insists that he never said the neighbor’s dog qualifies and that he won’t mention it again, even as he returns to Harvard Law, where the POTUS transcript, LST and GPA have been locked away forever.

**Senator Reid has requested the DNC to find the person who he said told him that Romney has paid no taxes for ten years, except maybe the last two, since he has presented the return for 2010 (paid a paltry $3 million income tax and gave away a bit more than that) and is about to deliver the 2011 return. Attorney General Holder is said to be in the process of suing Romney for the ten years and maybe sending him to the pokey but hasn’t figured out a way of explaining why Romney isn’t already in jail or at least having his income garnisheed a la Willie Nelson. Do NOT – repeat – DO NOT mention Reid’s ties to the mob in Nevada, not that that’s unusual, just not attractive in an election year. Mob money is as good as anyone else’s so cultivate mobsters when in Nevada or on the Reservations…they’re our kind of people.

**POTUS has requested that the DNC set up a liaison office with NYC Mayor Bloomberg’s office for the purpose of synchronizing efforts to prohibit hospitals from allowing formula in maternity areas, with the out-year goal of enacting laws requiring only breast-feeding for the first six months of a baby’s life. This will necessitate setting up “latching-areas” in all establishments, including but not limited to houses of the rising sun, the military (including combat zones), coal mines and offshore drilling rigs. The goal is equal-opportunity-breastfeeding, thus establishing a super-race, though that term is not to be used…too reminiscent of Hitler’s thousand-year Third Reich that lasted ten years.

**POTUS has expressed an interest in either the complete rewriting of the Constitution or at least that part that limits a president to only two terms. He has already made the case that the document doesn’t even provide for distribution and redistribution and even re-redistribution of wealth. Those on the receiving end of redistribution and especially re-redistribution are said to be in the majority now, meaning that they can – or soon will be able to – outvote the fools who work for wages not calculated by the government, in the first place. The DNC has been charged with making this case, though in an election year I haven’t the time to oversee it since my second-job in the House requires a vote occasionally, not that it means anything since the repubs run the place. Former Bill Clinton-genius James Carville has agreed to head up this project but will need help in transforming his Louisiana language into English. Caution: Do not utter the word “Snakehead” while in his presence.

And so it goes.
Jim Clark