Sunday, August 26, 2012

"Under the Bus" Crawls Again

It's mid-afternoon in a room over the Anything Goes Bar on a busy street in South Chicago. In attendance are university professors William Ayers and his wife Bernardine Dohrn, the Rev. Dr. Jeremiah Wright and presidential press-person Jay Carney, hereinafter referenced as A, D, W and C, respectively.

**W: Welcome, Mr. Carney, to the Union to Negate Demeaning of Erudite Realists, Theologians and Honest Educators Basic to the United States.

**C: Uh…the what?

**W: You mean you don’t know what the…in fact, I figured you’re here to join, now that you right soon might be rode out of that Washington nuthouse, whichever way the election goes.

**A: Maybe you’ve heard of it by its acronym, Carney, Under the Bus. It’s made up of the people who’ve been…

**W: kicked off the team because they stood up for…

**D: Oh…don’t be so whiny, Rev. Just because Barry had to disown you after that awful performance at the National Press Club…after all, you got your reparations in the 1960s and…

**W: We ain’t got no reparations yet Bernardine, and I’ll thank you to call me Doctor, not Rev.

**A: What brings you to this exclusive club, Carney? By the way, we aren’t the only members. I guess you remember Tom Daschle, for instance.

**C: I seem to vaguely remember something about Daschle voluntarily dropping his uh…uh… nomination. Commander-in-Chief mentioned something about it, blamed the FBI, CIA, NEA, DEA, Homeland Security, the Joint Chiefs and even the BSA for rotten vetting and…

**W: Rotten vetting…hoo-hah! I’m still laughing. Daschle coughed up $104,000 in back taxes – or maybe more, who knows – to buy that…hey, you just like Glibs when he was here last year with that C-in-C stuff. Old Barry still tryin’ to be a military genius? Hoo-hah-hahahaha. He said days, not weeks, about Libya…lasted seven months and whipped up a whole lot o’ Libyan carcasses to win his little war with Qaddafi.

**C: We don’t use that term in public but uh, uh, uh…yes…, C-in-C makes everybody use it in private, but I’m not…uh, uh… here to talk about that. Comman…uh, the president wonders what the organized community thinks about his chances in November. That Ryan guy is bad news…too smart by half and makes Geithner look like a first-grader, not to mention being the tax-cheat that came in from the cold and uh…uh…uh…

**D: You been reading le Carre, huh, Jay? I love those spy novels…umbrellas tipped with poison, snipers at two miles with laser-sights, suicide bombers…ah, so much blood and gore. I’m sure Charles Manson must have…

**A: Stop it, Bernardine, those days are gone forever! I’m still wondering how the 9/11 guys felt flying into the Pentagon, our old haunt for a bit of Vietnam bomb-throwing. But we introduced our man Barry to the Illinois Legislature…right?

**W: Yeah, and what you got now Bill? Grease on your face from bein’ under the bus so long, while the man plays golf. Oh, hoo-hahahaha…

**C: Uh…uh…uh, that’s not helping me out much. C-in-C is certain to win Chicago but he still wants to know just how big his win here will be, uh…uh…uh…big enough to beat the rest of the state, in other…uh…words.

**D: Mayor Emanuel has told the gang-bangers to take their shootouts into the alleys and quit catching kids in their cross-fires on the streets. That oughta tell you he’s a tough customer and Chicagoans will vote just the way he says…two or three times (giggles) along with their relatives in the cemeteries. I’ve volunteered to slice off the horse-heads in case he needs to make believers out of the precinct people and union thugs by leaving them on their doorsteps. Just whip out that old al Qaeda scimitar and slash…slash…whoopee – eat your heart out, Charles Manson.

**W: Stuff it, Bernardine. You musta stabbed the family cat with a fork again this morning. Anyway, Carney, ol’ Rahm’s already told ChicFilA they can’t come in this city with their weird views on marriage. That oughtta tell ya somethin’. Forces me to drive over to Gary or somewhere to get my favorite food. My denomination, the UCC – I’m still its highest profile preacher – says men oughtta marry men if they want to and probably the family dog if they get in a certain fit of passion. Hoo-hahahahaha…let ’em marry and clone no tellin’ what.

**A: Don’t just listen to these characters, Jay. You’re getting it from the horse’s mouth when I tell you that I have a group that’s prepared to blow up anything and everything to make sure Barry gets reelected. A second term is vital if we’re ever to get this sorry country on the road to anarchy, where it ought to be.

**C: I thought your mantra was uh…uh…uh socialism or communism, Bill. You’re telling me that C-in-C actually wants to just throw the country into chaos instead of good old-fashioned socialism?

**A: Carney, did you ever take history 101? Barry’s smart, although he didn’t take any history course seriously, especially while living-in with those white gals who thought he was a hunk. Why do you think he promised a national police force big as the army in 2008?

**C: Uh…uh, well…uh…I guess, just to keep order throughout the nation – all these murders going on and…

**A: Whew…it’s still possible for stupidity to stalk the halls of government in Washington, in Congress and in the White House, too.

**W: Barry listened when I told ’im to think audaciously, Carney. Having his own police force is the same as Hugo having his in Venezuela…and you know how he rules, doncha? That’s how the reparations will come about…by an executive order that can’t be beat, just like the executive order that filled the military with homosexuals – all part of the big picture that tears down the opposition. Who needs an army anymore…just go to the UN and find out what to do…like Libya. O’ course, ya have to carry a big stick to handle the UN.

**D: And Barry’s got the women’s vote because of his stand for partial-birth abortion (giggles) stab the little buggers in the neck just as they…

**W: And don’t forget he’s for all them condoms everywhere. He campaigned with that Fluke woman on government support for ecstasy…called Obamacondomcare. And the women will flock to the voting booths to guard abortion…any kind of abortion. Probably Barry’ll come up with a new gun law to disarm men while arming the women with both a gun and a condom, whichever emergency comes first. Oh, hoo-hahahhaha…

**A: So, y’see, Jay, we got Chicago covered. It’s the rest of the country that’s the worry. We got about as many votes as whole states, like Kentucky, where Barry’s thought of as sorta weird, born in Africa, and believes that Baptists grab their Bibles and chase illegal Mexicans with their sawed-off shotguns. With all the “dead” votes added here, we can outdo Kentucky and West Virginia and Tennessee, too.

**C: Well…uh…uh…uh…uh…(Carney leaves)

**A: I guess that was about the smartest thing he said…right?

**W: Right!

**D: Right! (wild laughter)

And so it goes.
Jim Clark

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