Monday, June 28, 2010

The Obama/BP Cabal?

The “truthers” have had a field day since 9/11 in claiming that the Bush-Cheney cabal that also apparently included Halliburton and Osama bin laden (and maybe the Boy Scouts – who knows?) planned and carried out the attacks on the World Trade Center in the Big Apple, reducing it to rubble and causing the deaths of thousands. They even took out full-page newspaper ads to identify themselves as the actual patriots and condemn “cowboy” Bush for the equivalent of the massacre at the OK Corral or maybe the Alamo, where the dying Texans were attempting to hold their boot on Mexico’s neck, as Obama’s press propagandist Robert Glibs…er, Gibbs would have it.

Currently, the 9/11 truthers are totally silent about the cause of the BP oil-spill in the Gulf of Mexico but one wonders how they might have reacted if Obama were not the darling of the left. If not lost in la-la-land, would the 9/11 truthers declare that according to all the best data available Obamessiah colluded with BP, Halliburton, and Osamessiah bin Laden in planning and carrying out the Gulf oil-well explosion in which 11 people died and many others were injured?

Could it be that the 9/11 truthers have discovered that according to White House data (mostly Rahm Emanuel e-mails) the president has declared that BP, as have policemen in Cambridge, acted stupidly and has promised, in between giving speeches, to read the reports proving that to be the case? After all, the president has been looking for an ass to kick and Vice President Biden found one over the weekend in Wisconsin, which (or whom) he designated as a “smart-ass” disguised as a custard-store manager. Only smart-asses could pull off an oil-spill of the magnitude of the one in the Gulf, so the truthers could know a possibility to blame, pointing the finger at the president and recognizing and encouraging “cover-up,” the last resort of the politician…no…make that the first resort.

Might the truthers suffer an attack of…well…TRUTH and declare that according to more data now being developed the toxic oil is supposed to kill at least some 3,000 more people in a few weeks as it permeates the shorelines of four states but that the bureaucrats/analysts at NSA, FBI, CIA, DEA, USA, USN, USMC, USCG, and the 9th precinct (and maybe the Boy Scouts) have decided not to connect the dots since the Bush administration left no dots to be connected, their spy agencies having failed to see this catastrophe in the planning and are therefore culpable?

Would the truthers declare that motive has been established perhaps by the CIA of Uzbekistan, to wit, that the administration now has $20 billion in the bank to be doled out by the administration’s pay czar posing as an objective third party? Would they consider the info developed possibly by the secret police and savvy imams/ayatollahs regarding data from various intel sources in Tajikistan that yachts, mansions, various and assorted massage parlors and private golf courses are being purchased in quantity throughout Europe and Asia by U.S. government officials, who can be expected to claim that no such purchases have even been contemplated, much less activated, and, in keeping with their cognitive level, that no more such purchases will be made? Only the Shadow knows!

Could it be that data is being ignored indicating that sonar at Pensacola and New Orleans picked up a recording of “God damn America” with a Southside Chicago accent just before some suicide/homicide bombers apparently flew their submarine into the spill cutoff at the base of the well, rendering it useless, and that nineteen members of the Rev. Dr. Honorable Ayatollah Imam “Calypso Louie” Farrakhan’s personal bodyguard have turned up missing?

Or…flip the coin! Could retired General Wesley Clark, perhaps the most notable truther vis-à-vis 9/11, and former CBS guru Dan Rather be in the process of proving that the Bush/Cheney/Osama/Halliburton cabal that brought on the WTC catastrophe of 9/11 is responsible for the oil-attack on the beaches and that Rather is in possession of a document prepared on a Texas Air National Guard Meteorology Department word-processor of 1967 proving that Bush, who frequently flew his fighter-jet over the Gulf, had spotted the appropriate site for a well and was preparing this explosion 40 years before the well was even drilled?

Rather came up empty on his famous – okay, infamous – discovery back in 2004 regarding the bogus Air National Guard document proving Bush was a bad boy and needed to not be reelected lest the nation be doomed absent the genius of John Kerry, who never fell off his skis and explained to Congress that American GIs harvested Vietnamese ears in the 60s. Say nay! Dangerous Dan has more expertise now. Stay tuned!

And so it goes.
Jim Clark

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Lexington Justice?

The welcome-mat is out in Lexington, Ky., for white-collar criminals – or at least the ones with money and/or pull – since outright, legally defined felonies involving the theft of thousands of dollars do not involve the penalty of incarceration. The judge has spoken…in this case, Judge Pamela Goodwine.

The characters caught up in the pilfering of tens of thousands of dollars worth of goods and services from the coffers of the local airport have made their plea-bargains and got off without even a slap on their collective wrist. The judge has spoken! If these guys had gone to trial, they would have been sent off by any jury to the Big House but they managed to get off without serving a day, even though they admitted guilt to FELONIES, punishable by up to five years.

This same judge has probably incarcerated teenagers for shoplifting, maybe even 18-year-olds for car-theft involving much less in stolen goods than these smooth operators making six-figure salaries and putting on their company credit-cards charges for such things as “doing marketing business” at strip clubs. Oh…yeah…these creeps were sentenced all right – two for one year and one for 2.5 years – but “conditional discharges” entered the picture so that the guilty ones, besides not serving a day, don’t even have to report to probation officers and can even have their slates wiped clean in a few years, assuming they don’t get a DUI, though even then they just “might” have to serve time. Having obvious and admitted felonies plea-bargained to misdemeanors is all in a day’s work for a judge. Even at that, the misdemeanors carried a sentence of a year, but not for these scot free instead.

Actually, the local newspaper blew the whistle on these shysters and the state auditor buried them under the facts – $500,000 worth of questioned or undocumented card charges – in just three years by seven people but three of them got off or at least made things right. These three (with another yet to be sentenced) were the biggies. It’s worth noting that the guilt was admitted for just the three years ginned up by the paper and the auditor, so there’s no telling how much these goons had stolen before that period.

This is what makes citizens lose faith in government…this recognition that those with money and pull can avoid what the little guy has to pay for in terms of incarceration. More trust is lost when wondering why a judge would do these favors. Could it be that money has passed? This same judge recused herself from two other cases involving the airport because she had served on some kind of airport advisory board…just passed them on to another judge. But, in these cases another judge might have thrown the book at these thieves. That would have just been too bad.

And so it goes.
Jim Clark

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

The McChrystal Affair

The latest bump in the road for President Obama has now been navigated with the firing of General McChrystal, though the notion that he was fired for insubordination is off-the-wall. He was fired for probably two reasons that are connected: tension that has existed from the beginning between Obama and the general and the published accounts in Rolling Stone magazine divulging the contempt that either McChrystal and his aides, or both, felt for the civilians in the administration who called the shots, the top honchos of whom had never been in the military and had next to no understanding of the services, especially with regard to combat.

The choice of General Petraeus to succeed McChrystal is considered by the experts to be the best possible, though it actually is a demotion unless Petraeus also continues as head of Central Command, under which the Afghanistan action operates. Without doubt, he’s the most knowledgeable officer concerning the whole Middle East mess and was quite successful in his conduct of the northern Iraq action some years ago.

The supreme irony with the Petraeus choice is seen when remembering that Senator Hillary Clinton took time off from the campaign trail back in the day to appear in a Senate hearing for the grand opportunity of telling witness General Petraeus face-to-face that he was a liar, or, as she delicately put it in campaignese, that one simply had to suspend belief when listening to him. Now, when she visits Afghanistan she will just have to suspend belief again, while remembering that her attempt at being campaign-macho backfired, as did her enormous lie regarding her dodging the sniper bullets in Bosnia in 1996.

McChrystal’s mistake was in allowing a reporter (from Rolling Stone, at that) to follow him and his staff around for about a month. Whether by design (a distinct possibility) or naivete, the general had to know that the backroom conversations heard by the reporter would make the pages of the magazine. Obama and his crowd wouldn’t know enough about the military to understand that these conversations will always include ridicule toward both subordinate and superior officers, including even the commander-in-chief. The fact that neither Obama nor Biden has any military experience (something that should never be the case in their offices) simply furnished fuel for the ridicule.

McChrystal apparently was bugged by both special envoy to Afghanistan/Pakistan Richard Holbrooke and U.S. Ambassador to Afghanistan Eikenberry (a retired lieut. gen.), who leaked (favorite ploy of politicians/bureaucrats) a memo he had written that McChrystal considered damaging, sort of backstabbing publicly, not unheard of in Washington. One wonders what Holbrooke is supposed to be doing since it would seem that State Secretary Clinton would not need a loud subordinate operating in sensitive territory…or does Holbrooke answer directly to Obama, in which case undercutting Clinton? Who knows?

So…McChrystal had to contend with running a war, pacifying a population (actually impossible), and dealing with superiors who he had to know were virtually clueless. Obama let it be known three or four times during his press briefing after the dust from the firing had cleared that he was commander-in-chief, perhaps not realizing that the citizenry might see him as merely a slick community-organizer from Chicago, the farthest thing from a military-minded CIC.

During the campaign, Obama made it plain constantly that he would not hesitate to send troops into Pakistan if the Pakistani government didn’t start taking out al Qaeda in its own country, another way of saying he meant to get bin Laden whether the Pakistanis liked it or not. Al Qaeda is essentially located in Pakistan now. In his statement of the 23rd, the president said this: “We have a clear goal. We are going to break the Taliban's momentum. We are going to build Afghan capacity.” Is this a mission-change? No. Pacifying the country and setting up a government has been the plan all along, but what about Pakistan and al Qaeda?

Obama’s statements during the campaign regarding Pakistan were reckless and irresponsible, something no one with an understanding of the Middle East would have advanced. He’s not about to send in the army to chase down bin Laden, assuming the butcher still lives. There may be a handful of small special ops outfits in Pakistan (actually doubtful) and the prez has made sure the drones do their job over Pakistan…but sending in the troops?

Obama was elected anyway and now doesn’t have to produce on that promise, like not producing on the promise to close Gitmo. But, one hopes he’s learned a thing or two on the job.

And so it goes.
Jim Clark

Thursday, June 17, 2010

The King & the Stooges!

It’s the CNN Larry King Live show and Larry’s guests this evening are Rahm Emanuel, President Obama’s chief of staff, movie-maker Michael Moore, and the president’s former green-jobs chief, Van Jones, the four hereinafter referenced as K, E, M, and J, respectively.

**K: Good evening folks, you’re in for a treat tonight since I have three of the most intelligent and powerful men in this great country as guests, Rahm Emanuel, Michael Moore and…and…(pushes on ear-piece)…oh yes, Van Jones. Before we get started, let me just mention that you may call in at any time with a comment or a question for any of them and that I hope to have Joran van der Sloot sometime next week, assuming he gets loose from those Peruvian policemen – CNN has a jet standing by – on either a bond or a bribe to explain why a disadvantaged childhood in paradise has forced him into killing girls in his search for social acceptance. (turns to E) Rahm, You said a while back that no crisis should be allowed to go to waste. Have you and the president taken full advantage of the oil-spill in the Gulf or have you somehow wasted it?
**E: Good question there, Larry, I can always figure on the hard ones from you. Let me be clear. By the way, the president likes to be referred to as commander in chief or its acronym, CIC, so…where was I…
**J: You were about to explain how you and the pres…er, CIC have made the best of a crisis…you know… driving up the price of gas with a spill…like electricity with cap/trade and…
**E: Stuff it, Van, (turns to K) how soon they forget! What Van actually means is that BP has turned the green – get that, Van – the green in the Gulf to oily black and brown and threatening the VIP golf courses in four states. It’s enough to make one…
**K: That bad, huh, Rahm. Imagine that. Where would the pres…
**E: Hate to butt in, Larry, but…
**K: Oh…yeah…that CIC thingy! There’s always Augusta National…the Masters course…
**M: Watch it, Larry! They don’t allow ladies to be members at Augusta. That oughtta tell you something about how compassionate CIC is. He wouldn’t go near the place and all that stuff about those three tough holes in the Amen Corner scaring him off are not true.
**K: Oh…right, Mike. What’s the latest with you?
**M: Got a new movie in the works, Larry, tentatively titled The BP/Bush/Cheney/Halliburton Connection, featuring Charlie Sheen playing Bush and Billy Bob Thornton recreating his squirrelly Carl from Slingblade to play Cheney. I call it using the WTC-9/11 Protocol for making statements about bad people.
**K: Sounds like a winner, Mike, but how does that square with…hold it a minute…gotta make some money. (commercial) Remember, folks, the high-wire act of Schlomo and the Dancing Gypsies in an exclusive tomorrow night…don’t miss it! Now, back to the subject, Mike. Are you preempting all the talk about the pres…er, CIC teaming up with BP to blow that well because of his disapproval numbers…you know, anything to get people’s minds off the economy and manufacture the perfect crisis not to waste in the bargain?
**E: Hold it right there, Larry!
**J: Yeah…you’re in deep doo-doo, King. The pres…er, CIC would never do anything like that. It’s not in the Manifesto and he never…
**E: Stuff it, Van. What he means is that CIC is obviously punishing BP now, bringing the whole weight of the government down on…
**K: What d’ya mean…Manifesto, Van? I’ve never…oh…I get it…you’re the commie in the White House. You mean the pres…er, CIC reads your stuff and…
**E: Van’s not a communist anymore, Larry, and he’s not in the White House anymore, either.
**K: I thought that’s why he was kicked…er, resigned from that green job…you know, the Russkies and Mao and Lon Nol…criminy…Manifesto…that’s so Cold War, Van. Have you…are you a…
**M: What’s so bad about a little communism here or there once in a while, Larry? Van made a huge sacrifice going under the bus…er, strike that, protecting CIC from embarrassment. Van was just a kooky kid when he…besides, that was in California…anything goes in California. He could kill chickens and bay at the moon at midnight and nobody would…
**E: Let’s get the record straight, Larry. That rumor about CIC and BP colluding to create a crisis not to be wasted and make everybody forget the unemployment rate is nothing but republican propaganda put out by Limbaugh and Beck and all the goons at Fox News. Surely nobody…
**K: What’s that, caller? This connection is…okay…got it. Rahm, the caller wants to know if the BP CEO is thought by CIC to be a TWP.
**M: What’s a TWP?
**J: That’s a typical white person, Mike, you know, like one of them white business executives in the suburbs that the pres…er, CIC said didn’t want to pay no taxes for inner-city schools. Man, when I was running STORM, we…
**M: STORM? I thought I knew everything worth knowing but what’s this STORM thing?
**J: Standing Together to Organize a Revolutionary Movement, Mike! When you gonna make a movie about rising up in the streets and…
**K: Okay, caller…you’re another one…the same to you…whew…some people are…
**E: Van’s not talking about a real revolution, Larry, he’s…
**K: Oh…he’s not a Bill Ayers type, huh…(laughter)…
**E: Not funny, Larry. Bill Ayers is not a FOB…at least not now.
**K: You mean not a friend of Bill?
**E: Of course not, you knucklehead. Not a friend of Barack! Sorry about the …
**K: Don’t forget, folks…it’s Mary Jane and the Joints on Saturday night doing their big hit I Like the Ways of Your Haze, don’t miss it. Now for another commercial break! … Here we are back, folks, with Rahm, Mike and…and…and…
**J: Van, man, Van Jones. You some kinda bigot can’t remember my name.
**K: What’s that, caller? Got it. How about finishing up what you were saying about BP and the pres…er, CIC, Rahm? Caller seemed dissatisfied and also wants to know if you sent a dead fish to Howard Dean when he pulled the democrats through in 2006.
**E: You mean old Howie of the dream scream, Larry? They’re still looking for his tonsils in Iowa and he didn’t pull anybody through. If I’d had my way, there wouldn’t be any republicans in Congress.
**J: Hey, man, you oughtta be in STORM…better than old Ayers any day. Wipe out the whole republican caucus…AK-47s all the way…whoopee! Be an emergent insurgent!
**E: Shut up, Van! Back to the question, Larry! Of course, CIC didn’t collude with BP to blow up the Gulf and shift the focus away from Gitmo…and anyway BP said it would just be a small leak along with some more campaign cash…like another million or so…sorta like AIG off the hook and…how could we know…
(14 commercials and then the announcer)

And so it goes.
Jim Clark

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

POTUS Oil-Spill Speech

One wonders how long it will take President Obama to realize that he, like the Kennedys and Clintons before him, is wearing thin…actually grating on the public ear like the proverbial chalk screeching against the blackboard. In yet another speech 15 June thankfully delivered in the Oval Office since it was over in 18 minutes and there was no applause to make it twice as long, he wasted the listener’s time. But as Staff-Chief Rahm Emanuel implied a while back, never let a good crisis go to waste.

Advertised subject of the speech: the Gulf oil-spill. Actual subject: not much new, self-aggrandizement and political posturing especially concerning cap-and-tax legislation, which is now as dead in the water as the Gulf pelicans seen virtually 24/7 on the networks. Obama began terribly by asserting that the administration had been on top of the situation since the very beginning. Nobody believes that.

Item: Near the outset of the Q&A segment of Obama’s press conference on 27 May when he was asked about the government’s actions immediately after the oil well exploded in the Gulf, he answered that he called in Defense Secretary Gates and Joint Chiefs Chairman Mike Mullen to see what actions and materiel were available. That indicated how out of touch he was from the very beginning of the catastrophe. He should have called on the folks in the Energy Department, Homeland Security Dept. (especially FEMA), Interior Department (Mines and Minerals), etc. He did later, but how much later?

The president said that by the end of the month 90% of the still leaking oil should be recovered but offered nothing specific except that “we have directed BP to mobilize additional equipment and technology,” something BP has been doing for nearly two months. He also asserted, “We will make BP pay for the damage their company has caused,” something BP has already promised to do and is doing and would have to do anyway assuming the many potential lawsuits to be filed. One wonders if Attorney General Holder will file a class-action suit to “make” BP ante-up.

The president launched into a list of statistics regarding the personnel and machinery being utilized in the spill-cleanup, but actually this sort of information has been flashed daily in the media. No one doubts that a huge gaggle of people is working and that the workers are being paid by BP to handle the crisis as well as possible, considering the dereliction by the administration in getting on top of the problem at its beginning, not to mention the governmental red tape foreclosing any fast action, such as that offered by other countries soon after the oil-rig explosion. This is not to mention the officials and others who simply took matters into their own hands and – out of desperation – started dealing with the problem without federal sanctions.

Obama said he had appointed Navy Secretary Mabus to the task of figuring out a plan as soon as possible to make everything right again in the affected states. Since Mabus supposedly has a full-time job already, is he expected to do this in his spare time? Of course, there will be yet another commission appointed to look into the reasons for the explosion and recommend corrective measures. Lawyers are salivating all over Washington. The Congresspersons are already holding hearings, as if they know enough to even ask the right questions…but they get to make those little campaign speeches in their opening statements and other statements masqueraded as questions.

Of course, another czar is in order. The president: “And so Secretary Salazar and I are bringing in new leadership at the agency, Michael Bromwich, who was a tough federal prosecutor and Inspector General. His charge over the next few months is to build an organization that acts as the oil industry’s watchdog not its partner.” One would think that a mines/minerals expert, not a lawyer, might be a better choice, but that would be too logical.

Then came the extensive pitch for the energy legislation (cap/trade) and the mention of increased costs (translated taxes) connected therewith (skyrocketing electricity costs as promised in Obama’s campaign). Oh yes…the president mentioned Katrina at least twice, perhaps to make himself look good vis-à-vis the Bush image. One hopes not. Anyway, the mention failed since the events have absolutely no resemblance in either cause or governmental action (or inaction in Obama’s case).

Near the end of the speech, the president said this: “Instead, what has defined us as a nation since our founding is our capacity to shape our destiny our determination to fight for the America we want for our children. Even if we’re unsure exactly what that looks like. Even if we don’t yet know precisely how to get there. We know we’ll get there.” Does anyone know what this was supposed to mean?

And so it goes.
Jim Clark

Monday, June 14, 2010

Obama & BP Escrow

The president will finally bestir himself to make a speech from the Oval Office on 15 June. Presidents set up their teleprompters there when an event has become so important that a speech concerning it from any other location would be…well, too ordinary. The oil-spill in the Gulf is such an event, never mind that such events as impending national bankruptcy and the need for stimulus spending and more stimulus spending, not to mention two wars, have not qualified.

The big news is that the president has convened the best brains in the land to inform him of just whose ass has to be kicked in order to take care of this situation. Most likely, especially after he’s already kicked Mines/Minerals Chief Birnbaum under the bus and doesn’t dare do such a thing to an ethnic (kicking a woman was bad enough) or anyone in the White House, the possessors of superior gravitas have suggested he kick BP’s ass. This exercise is likely the subject of the Tuesday speech, quite overdue since the prez rarely loses a day in speech-making.

The president, on the basis of the poop floating around, will make the case for legally compelling BP to create an escrow account to take care of all the folks aggrieved by the widespread damage caused especially in Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama and Florida (other states may be added), something BP has already promised to do, not that the promise is to be taken at face value any more than Obama’s promise to close Gitmo by last January should.

The president may have overlooked the fact, since the spill has not been contained, that there’s no way to fix an amount to be placed in legal escrow. Set too low, it may not satisfy the losses but would represent a cap in BP’s favor. Set too high, especially since BP stock has dropped in value by nearly half since the catastrophe, BP could be thrown into bankruptcy, the result being that everyone loses.

It is this last possibility that requires a second look. The administration has taken over General Motors and driven it into bankruptcy. Likewise, or similarly, is the case with Chrysler, AIG, Fannie, Freddy. BP is principally owned in almost equal amounts by individuals and institutions in the U.K. and the U.S., meaning that Obama is railing against Americans as much as he is against BP.

As of 31 December 2009, 33 institutions and seven individuals in Britain held 40% of BP shares, while 25 institutions and 14 individuals in the U.S held 39 %. BP is Britain’s largest corporation. So…is Obama following his own pattern in taking yet another U.S. enterprise into bankruptcy, this time via the escrow route? Is he purposefully threatening to destroy another sterling example of entrepreneurship and enterprise in the interest of…what?

There’s no argument with the fact that all these people and institutions should be compensated, though the records of well-inspections done – or not done – during the year-and-a-half of Obama’s tenure should be examined in affixing total blame, notwithstanding that the U.S. is surviving on money borrowed from such places as China right now and can ill afford any more debt.

The president, after much speech-making (and sleep, apparently) since the explosion of 20 April, is now exercising a stridency that intensifies every day. Nobody in the administration, not to mention BP, seems to have an idea of how much oil has spilled, not that it matters since nobody has been able to stop the flow anyway, though BP has cut the amount considerably with the last apparatus to be tried. Foot-stomping is a way of life in the administration these days.

The president promised CHANGE and TRANSFORMATION and TRANSPARENCY in government, but the only change and transformation discernible so far would put the country on the road (actually fast-track) to socialism. The sinking of the American end of BP would simply fit the pattern of outlawing capitalism as economic engine, ironically the engine that has driven this nation to the heights industrially and militarily, far exceeding those of any other nation.

As for transparency…fugiddaboutit! From attempting to deny Senator Burris his (Obama’s) own seat to attempting to bribe office-seekers not to seek office, the smoke-filled backroom is back in vogue. Obama fired Birnbaum, essentially a lawyer he appointed, and that’s quite transparent enough…huh?

And so it goes.
Jim Clark

Friday, June 11, 2010

Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde, POTUS & Rahm

It’s just past one a.m. in the little room off the Oval Office and Dr. Jekyll and his alter ego Mr. Hyde are meeting with President Obama and his chief of staff Rahm Emanuel, hereinafter referenced as J, H, O, and E, respectively, if not necessarily respectfully.

*J: I say, Barry, we met in this tiny closet last August to discuss the healthcare bill and I said then that you insulted us with such an arrangement, and here we are again giving up valuable time in the aristocracy to be demeaned by the hoi polloi in this…this…and these Styrofoam cups for tea…we’ve a mind to bug out, eh, Edward…just go back to…
*H: To civilization, of course…I’ve never felt comfortable in the colonies, but tell me, Rahm – you seem the type to enjoy it – how many old codgers have the death panels dispatched using the healthcare protocol…and how did they go, willingly or (drooling) maybe on the gallows…oh what fun that must have…(wild laughter)
*J: Stop it, Edward. Actually, he’s simply identifying with the profound morality of saving the taxpayers’ money by not extending costly infirmities of the old goats. But, what’s the subject this time, Barry…you said this time you wanted to be called commander-in-chief and we’ve observed on the BBC newscasts that you never let the peasants forget it but that’s so formal and Mr. President is so-o-o-o snobbish…just call us Henry and Edward and we’ll use Barry and Rahm, such a quaint name…Rahm…
*H: Sounds rather like one of those Buddhist mantras…R-a-a-h-h-m-m (hums)…then it’s off with some poor Christian’s head…egad, what a mantra…R-a-a-h-h-m-m…(closes eyes)
*O: (glaring) It’s like this, Henry, I’m gathering the best brains in the world to give me the proper gravitas to disrupt the proper derrieres in order to solve the oil-spill problem and…
*H: Oh you mean the jolly good arses to kick…is that it, Barry? I love the thought…I can see it now, the commander-in-chief lining up the proper czars and kicking their arses back to…oh, why not just kick in their heads, too, what I call the old Sir Danvers Carew Treatment…ah…I remember it well as I bashed in the old man’s head right there in the lane, although I ruined that perfectly good cane with the heavy knob…egad…I hated to lose that cane.
*E: (whispering) Henry, is Edward…you know…is he…
*J: No…he isn’t from Chicago. Actually, he simply dispatched an old man who should have had the decency, a la your healthcare plan, to forget fading away with old generals and just up and die, as they say in your mountain-William state of Kentucky.
*O: Mountain-William? Rahm, is there something I don’t know about…
*E: That’s Brit-talk for hillbilly, Commander-In-Chief. Wow…they must not know their geography out there in Hawaii. I thought everybody knew…
*H: Hillbilly…whoopee…(singing) Frankie and Johnny were sweethearts…and she plugged him with her old forty-four…rooty, toot, toot….R-a-a-h-h-m-m…plugged him with…
*J: Stop it, Edward…you’re off-key anyway. He’s simply singing about mountain-William justice, Rahm, something you should appreciate, being from Chicago, where even dead people have the right to vote.
*O: Please…back to the subject. You guys are here because you represent knowledge of the physical and mental conditions that qualify people for ass-kicking. Except for anybody in the administration – all of them geniuses – can you think of anybody’s ass I should kick?
*J: I say, Edward…did he mean us with that “guys” appellation…us…the epitome of refinement?
*E: What kind of pit? How could you have a pit of you? Commander-in-chief, do you sense a leg-pulling here or what?
*O: The only leg problem I’ve heard about belongs to that MSNBC guy, Chris Matthews. He says his leg tingles when I speak and he even forgot I was black while his leg was tingling when I made the State-of-the-union speech in…
*J: We may not be royalty but we certainly are not guys, Barry, and I expect an apology.
*O: Sorry about that, Henry…er, slip of the tongue. I’m accustomed to teleprompters that guarantee no such slips of the tongue. I even use one at the dinner table to make sure I don’t make Michelle mad. Everybody knows you’re mateys!
*H: MATEYS! Now, I believe he actually said he’d campaigned in 57 states and had only two more to go. Oh…hahahahahahaha…now he’s confused us Brits with Australians. (sings) Waltzing Matilda…waltzing Matilda…God save the queen…waltzing Matilda…
*E: Knock it off Edward. This is serious business. We absolutely must have by six this morning the names of asses to kick or Spike Lee will say Commander-in-chief here is too unemotional and needs to shout and scream and froth at the mouth and kick asses.
*O: Not to put too fine a point on it, gentlemen, the people I’ve tried to buy off and told not to run in the primaries have run anyway…and won, so I need to express the proper outrage at British Petroleum and the kick-ass scoundrels in Washington or I might lose part of Congress in November.
*J: You heard that, didn’t you, Edward? Now he’s blaming BP and threatening our whole pension system in England that’s pinned to BP stock. (toss of the head) And…gentlemen will do nicely, Barry.
*H: Oh yes, I heard, Henry. (sings) She plugged him with that .44…(reaches in his pocket)
*E: Hey…wait a minute…we’re not blaming BP for anything. The whole Gulf explosion was set up by Bush and Cheney…just like the WTC…Katrina…Freddie and Fannie…GM…
*H: Calm down, R-a-a-h-h-m-m (hums), I’m just checking the time.
*J: I say, Edward, do you think he should deploy Paul McCartney’s derriere to his navel area for implying that Barry’s predecessor was an idiot, especially in light of the current lunacy in this colony?
*O: I take that personally, Henry. McCartney was just calling attention to the current superior…
*E: Yeah…everyone – even Blago – knows that Bush had an eleventh-floor elevator in a twelve-story house.
*H: Eleventh-story elevator in a…oh, that’s a good one, R-a-a-h-h-m-m (hums)…and the poor souls who step through the doors at the top…oh…what a glorious, bloody mess, better than cracking the old boy’s skull…twelve stories and then…SPLAT…WHOOPEE!
*J: Pay no attention. Edward’s just pointing out the necessity of prudence when entering an elevator. I say, Edward, do we need a moment for a conference (H nods)…yes…excuse us, gentlemen. (J & H step outside for a minute, then return) We’ve reached decisions about the ass-kicking.
*O: Good…I’m dying for a smoke and Rahm has to mail a coupla dead fish. I’ve already kicked Mine/Minerals Chief Birnbaum under the bus, so she’s not in the picture. Maybe Jesse Jackson would qualify. He once said he wanted to cut off part of my anatomy and I haven’t forgotten that.
*H: Gentlemen, Henry and I have decided that you two should cast lots…roll the dice…draw straws…whatever ignorant colonists do these days to see who goes first, then take turns assuming the proper position and kicking each other until the respective derrieres are in roughly the area of the adenoids…oh hahahahahahaha…entrails trailing everywhere…blood in the Monica room…

And so it goes.
Jim Clark

Wednesday, June 09, 2010

Prez Detecting Derelict Derriere

The president made one of his more profound statements the other day in explaining why he was surrounding himself with the experts, to wit, simply so that he would acquire enough gravitas to know whose ass to kick. This is not hard to believe in that his supply of gravitas up to this point is marked by a meagerness that’s incomprehensible vis-à-vis the election of the acclaimed American messiah with smarts supposedly acquired at no less an establishment than Harvard Law, this country’s Oracle at Delphi.

He gives an idea of the amount of gravitas he possesses in that he has already – apparently without benefit of his surrounding of experts – kicked ass when he kicked Mines/Minerals Chief Elizabeth Birnbaum under the bus a few days ago even though she had nothing to do with the oil-rig explosion and knew as much about the situation in the Gulf as he does…virtually nothing in both cases. The president said in his “Gulf Oil” news conference the other day that the administration had been in charge of the oil-spill developments from the first hour, which means, considering the results, that he ought to pulverize his own derriere, except that he could throw out a knee in the process, making pickup basketball games only a remote possibility.

One could say that the administration has acted stupidly, taking a page from the president’s list of nonsensical uttering, but that might sound as racist as he did when he used that term last year vis-à-vis a white policeman whose ass he attempted to kick. Among his first acts when assuming office, Obama sent the bust of Churchill back to England that had been in the White House (Oval Office) for some time, indicating his gravitas concerning this nation’s best international friend. He compounded that with the silly gifts to Prime Minister Brown – 25 movie DVDs usually incompatible with British players. Perhaps he could look to Veep Biden for some ass-kicking gravitas but that worthy thinks jobs is a three-letter word.

So…maybe Obama, in this instance, is the current clone of former prez Jimmy Carter, who took a trip to England and while there castigated Prime Minister Tony Blair, actually accusing him of being subservient to the Bush administration. Carter chose his overseas trips as opportunities to flay this nation but Obama has added a new twist by appearing throughout the world to apologize for this nation and even accentuated this activity by genuflecting before the likes of the Saudi king. This was a profound show of gravitas since 15 of the 19 Muslim butchers of 9/11 were Saudis. In that moment, Obama’s derriere was prominently displayed for a good field-goal-try.

But back to ass-kicking! If poor Birnbaum had to get kicked under the bus, what about her superiors? Interior Secretary Salazar is supposed to run things down on all the ranches and ponds, seeing that all the hands get it right, but somehow the oil just gushed and gushed and…well there was nobody home at the ranch-house…or did it matter? According to Reuters of 04 June, “more than 50,000 wells have been drilled in federal water in the gulf since 1947. Federal water can vary by state, but is generally at least three miles (4.8 km) offshore.” The current spill is the only one of any consequence (50,000 to 1 odds) in 63 years. Does Obama understand just how relatively safe well-drilling is? No! He needs to kick ass because a lot of folks accuse him of not being angry enough, even though he told an interviewer the other day that he’s furious. That’ll show ’em.

Without doubt, his bevy of experts include those who castigated Kentucky republican Senate candidate Rand Paul the other day for saying, “Accidents happen,” accusing him of being insensitive to the Gulf folks and coal miners killed in his own state. He understands that things break occasionally so he simply stated an obvious truth. If he had said that Congress needs to kick ass, the president would have been impeached in a heartbeat for not – in a year-and-a-half – knowing how to lead the country in a time of crisis.

The oil catastrophe occurred on 20 April and the prez finally made it down to the Gulf on 02 May. Nearly another four weeks would elapse before Obama would venture to the scene again, after stumbling through a press conference and trying to explain why help and expertise offered from 17 nations had not been accepted. He’s been back, after that thrilling concert he hosted for over-the-hill-Beatle Paul McCartney, who stated as his swan song that he was glad the country, after eight years, had a president who knew what a library is. Showing his lack of respect for the office, not the individual, Obama did not kick McCartney’s ass. Shades of Jimmy Carter!

And so it goes.
Jim Clark

Friday, June 04, 2010

The Governor & the BRIBES

The recent flap occasioned by the exposé concerning the attempt of the White House to offer positions in the administration to people in return for their dropping out of races in which the president desired another candidate, such as regarding the current Sestak- and Romanov-affairs, in which former president Clinton and current deputy staff-chief Messina, respectively, functioned as the go-betweens, might have a poignant lesson for Kentucky. The reason: Turns out that the obvious attempts at bribery violate federal law, with the equally obvious ramification that similar attempts by a state governor also violate either federal or state statutes.

In 2009 and without a blush, Kentucky Governor Beshear, a democrat, offered state republican senators Charlie Borders and Dan Kelly plush appointments they simply couldn’t refuse in an effort to bring the state senate under control of the democrats, the obvious expectation being that in the special elections to fill their seats democrats would be shoo-ins. Borders accepted a Public Service Commission seat and Kelly, also the senate majority leader and constant thorn in Beshear’s side, grabbed the offered judgeship, both income and pension perks connected to the positions being too good to pass up even for maintaining party loyalty. Borders’ seat went to a democrat but Kelly’s went to a republican so the guv made no headway.

Beshear’s own democrats hated his move because a democrat governor simply doesn’t appoint republicans to such much-sought-after positions as those in the PSC and the courts (salaries in six-figures plus perks and pensions). The fact that it didn’t work made matters worse. The quid-pro-quo might be considered tacit but it’s there, nevertheless. The governor offered the men something of value knowing that he was receiving a payoff if they accepted, as in the cases mentioned above…if Sestak and Romanov caved. They didn’t.

This perhaps brings into play KRS Chapter 013A00 of the Kentucky Revised Statutes, which has to do with how the actions of a governor, among other entities, satisfy federal mandates such as those dealing with the Sestak and Romanov cases. The General Assembly and Court of Justice are exempted but the governor is not. Section 13A.245 has to do with “Agencies [entities] to prepare a federal mandate analysis comparing proposed state regulatory standards to federal standards – Relationship between state administrative regulation and federal law or regulation governing a subject matter.” (underline mine)

The subject matter at hand concerns the extent to which Governor Beshear’s actions match that of the president as advanced by his apparatchiks, except that in the governor’s case he acted apparently as his own go-between. In effect, he said to the republicans, “my offer in exchange for your Senate seats.” Nothing could be more clear-cut.

The argument might be made that the governor can appoint anyone he thinks fitted to do a job, no questions asked; however, in this case the quid-pro-quo was automatic and was more reprehensible/specious because the state is full of democrats who could have qualified for those positions and probably let Beshear know that fact in no uncertain terms. For instance, there were three recommendations for the job that Kelly got. Take a guess as to the party of the other two.

In any case, an investigation would bring into play all the memoranda, e-mails, phone-logs, media-items, and other communications/materials involved in what was transparently an attempt at a negotiated settlement of a problem the governor had with the Senate, based primarily on the Senate’s refusal to go for slots at racetracks or casinos anywhere.

There’s no claim to legal expertise in this corner but there’s also the suggestion that another part(s) of the Revised Statutes could apply to the governor’s actions if the one noted here doesn’t. Attorney General Conway would do well to look into the matter and by doing so might even get a leg-up in his campaign for the U.S. Senate by hammering what is unmistakably governmental perfidy by Governor Beshear. Of course, to do so might call attention to Conway’s perfidy, the BIG LIE made to the national media regarding what his opponent Rand Paul said about the Civil Rights Acts, forcing even MSNBC’s democrat attack-dog Chris Matthews to set the record straight. Everyone is advised not to hold his breath.

And so it goes.
Jim Clark

Thursday, June 03, 2010

Democrat National Commissariat Memorandum #14

From the office of Tim Kaine, commissar, 03 June 2010

***There’s no credibility to the rumor the frothy-mouthed conservative talk-show clowns are making that the president intends to put British Petroleum into U.S. receivership instead of holding his boot on BP’s neck and making it pay every citizen in Louisiana, Mississippi Alabama, and Florida the equivalent of five year’s income, thus adding a huge segment of the oil industry to government-held properties such as General Motors and AIG. There’s also no credence to the rumor that only GM cars will then be configured/allowed to run on only BP gas, thus solidifying the government’s actions against Ford and Toyota in wiping out the opposition, making the president the CEO operating nearly all automotive transportation that uses roads exclusively.

***Please be advised that notice has been taken of the uproar, particularly among the NOW ladies, accruing to a perceived lack of passion by the president when he makes speeches or even off-the-cuff remarks. He is receiving instruction currently from a top-flight psychiatric operation in this matter and soon will be seen emoting to a heretofore unseen extent, even shedding tears when the occasion calls for same, such as when he found tar-balls on the beach in Louisiana the other day. Part of the therapy is the viewing of film of President Clinton somberly arranging stones on the beach at Normandy in the shape of a cross in 1944. Also, there will be a heads-up on all teleprompters hence as to when to emote (laugh, cry, shake fist, scowl, glare, smile, look sad, etc.) along with the notices of when to wait for applause, pause for effect, etc. The rumor that the tar balls and the stones on the respective beaches were all placed there by DNC staffers is false and this will not happen again.

***There has been fear in some quarters that the president will be forced to testify in the Blagojevich trial in Chicago or wherever it is, especially since the FBI has 500 hours of phone conversations Blago had with many people. Be advised that, just as in the case of the recently resigned White House party-planner, executive privilege will be exercised for everyone in the administration, no matter if any deal was discussed about the value of Obama’s former Senate seat. Executive privilege does not obtain in the case of Senator Durbin (tried to keep Senator Burris from getting the seat), however, but lawyers are working out a plan for legislation that will grant executive senatorial privilege, something most senators will gladly approve. It will be un-Constitutional, of course, but it will take years for the SCOTUS to handle it. By that time, Blagojevich will be just a bad memory (also still in jail, probably). Rahm Emanuel has flatly stated that he never mailed a dead fish to Burris and that he will not do it again.

***Please be advised that when addressing the “Sestak Affair” the proper approach is to indicate that “this is done all the time,” when some sort of political buyout is the objective. Representative Sestak is fair game and can be castigated for not being a team-player in opposing Senator Specter, the president’s choice in Pennsylvania, and – even worse – defeating him in the primary. Even worser (okay, bad grammar for effect), Sestak exposed former president Clinton, the only C-I-C (commander in chief, for recent college graduates) to be impeached, as the main player in the buyout, and Clinton just didn’t need more infamy added to his record. It’s unclear as to whether Clinton can claim post-presidential executive privilege in the case of a summons or just take low and go down, as they say in union circles.

***When interviewing potential candidates for any office, be sure to inform them that padding resumes – especially in the area of military service – is a no-no, big-time. The White House has been badly embarrassed by Connecticut Attorney General Blumenthal’s outrageous accounts about his service in Vietnam mainly because he never served in Vietnam. He should have learned something in 2004, when the “swift-boat skippers” blew the whistle on John Kerry…blew him out of the water, in fact. The president continues to support Blumenthal because he has no other choice, having appointed Hillary Clinton as State Secretary even in light of the humongous fabrications she carefully planned and used during her campaign…dodging all those snipers in Bosnia while she and daughter ran for their lives to a welcoming ceremony on the tarmac.

***The president’s speech-writing outfit has been enlarged in order to keep up with his schedule of at least one speech somewhere every day while at the same time preparing for the expected multitude of invitations from people running for office in November, especially those with proven abilities at fundraising. Those needing his help must plan for some kind of official trip in connection with the local campaign speech so that the federal government will carry the freight for the whole ripoff…er thing (little joke there). An official visit to a factory or even the local dog-pound is good enough to qualify. Reminder: Candidates in Virginia, New Jersey, Massachusetts and Pennsylvania – for obvious reasons – should prepare their constituents for protests featuring collective snickering.

***Major Hasan has been granted a four-month delay regarding an evidentiary hearing. Those who refer to his actions last year as the “Ft. Hood massacre” will be disciplined. After all, eyewitnesses can be wrong, especially if they all say the same guy did it. If this matter comes up, simply insist that an understanding nation would be disappointed if this devout Muslim did not get his day in court, or in the evidentiary hearing (DNA is so important, for instance), or in the chow hall, for that matter. Caution: Do not suggest that his trial should be at Guantanamo since the president promised last year to close that facility by last January.

***Michael Moore’s new animated movie tentatively entitled “Shootout at the BP Corral,” featuring Two-Spout Glibs planting his boot on the villain’s neck and pouring 5W-30 in his ear is on schedule. The president will be drawn as furious, the way he describes himself these days as noted especially in his interview with Larry King. Representing a new intellectual/art breakthrough, Moore is replacing conventional background music with rap and is seeking the right rapper for the job, mainly advertising through the Huffington Post, perhaps the president’s favorite Web-site and noted by him recently in an important speech somewhere or other.

And so it goes.
Jim Clark