It’s the CNN Larry King Live show and Larry’s guests this evening are Rahm Emanuel, President Obama’s chief of staff, movie-maker Michael Moore, and the president’s former green-jobs chief, Van Jones, the four hereinafter referenced as K, E, M, and J, respectively.
**K: Good evening folks, you’re in for a treat tonight since I have three of the most intelligent and powerful men in this great country as guests, Rahm Emanuel, Michael Moore and…and…(pushes on ear-piece)…oh yes, Van Jones. Before we get started, let me just mention that you may call in at any time with a comment or a question for any of them and that I hope to have Joran van der Sloot sometime next week, assuming he gets loose from those Peruvian policemen – CNN has a jet standing by – on either a bond or a bribe to explain why a disadvantaged childhood in paradise has forced him into killing girls in his search for social acceptance. (turns to E) Rahm, You said a while back that no crisis should be allowed to go to waste. Have you and the president taken full advantage of the oil-spill in the Gulf or have you somehow wasted it?
**E: Good question there, Larry, I can always figure on the hard ones from you. Let me be clear. By the way, the president likes to be referred to as commander in chief or its acronym, CIC, so…where was I…
**J: You were about to explain how you and the pres…er, CIC have made the best of a crisis…you know… driving up the price of gas with a spill…like electricity with cap/trade and…
**E: Stuff it, Van, (turns to K) how soon they forget! What Van actually means is that BP has turned the green – get that, Van – the green in the Gulf to oily black and brown and threatening the VIP golf courses in four states. It’s enough to make one…
**K: That bad, huh, Rahm. Imagine that. Where would the pres…
**E: Hate to butt in, Larry, but…
**K: Oh…yeah…that CIC thingy! There’s always Augusta National…the Masters course…
**M: Watch it, Larry! They don’t allow ladies to be members at Augusta. That oughtta tell you something about how compassionate CIC is. He wouldn’t go near the place and all that stuff about those three tough holes in the Amen Corner scaring him off are not true.
**K: Oh…right, Mike. What’s the latest with you?
**M: Got a new movie in the works, Larry, tentatively titled The BP/Bush/Cheney/Halliburton Connection, featuring Charlie Sheen playing Bush and Billy Bob Thornton recreating his squirrelly Carl from Slingblade to play Cheney. I call it using the WTC-9/11 Protocol for making statements about bad people.
**K: Sounds like a winner, Mike, but how does that square with…hold it a minute…gotta make some money. (commercial) Remember, folks, the high-wire act of Schlomo and the Dancing Gypsies in an exclusive tomorrow night…don’t miss it! Now, back to the subject, Mike. Are you preempting all the talk about the pres…er, CIC teaming up with BP to blow that well because of his disapproval numbers…you know, anything to get people’s minds off the economy and manufacture the perfect crisis not to waste in the bargain?
**E: Hold it right there, Larry!
**J: Yeah…you’re in deep doo-doo, King. The pres…er, CIC would never do anything like that. It’s not in the Manifesto and he never…
**E: Stuff it, Van. What he means is that CIC is obviously punishing BP now, bringing the whole weight of the government down on…
**K: What d’ya mean…Manifesto, Van? I’ve never…oh…I get it…you’re the commie in the White House. You mean the pres…er, CIC reads your stuff and…
**E: Van’s not a communist anymore, Larry, and he’s not in the White House anymore, either.
**K: I thought that’s why he was kicked…er, resigned from that green job…you know, the Russkies and Mao and Lon Nol…criminy…Manifesto…that’s so Cold War, Van. Have you…are you a…
**M: What’s so bad about a little communism here or there once in a while, Larry? Van made a huge sacrifice going under the bus…er, strike that, protecting CIC from embarrassment. Van was just a kooky kid when he…besides, that was in California…anything goes in California. He could kill chickens and bay at the moon at midnight and nobody would…
**E: Let’s get the record straight, Larry. That rumor about CIC and BP colluding to create a crisis not to be wasted and make everybody forget the unemployment rate is nothing but republican propaganda put out by Limbaugh and Beck and all the goons at Fox News. Surely nobody…
**K: What’s that, caller? This connection is…okay…got it. Rahm, the caller wants to know if the BP CEO is thought by CIC to be a TWP.
**M: What’s a TWP?
**J: That’s a typical white person, Mike, you know, like one of them white business executives in the suburbs that the pres…er, CIC said didn’t want to pay no taxes for inner-city schools. Man, when I was running STORM, we…
**M: STORM? I thought I knew everything worth knowing but what’s this STORM thing?
**J: Standing Together to Organize a Revolutionary Movement, Mike! When you gonna make a movie about rising up in the streets and…
**K: Okay, caller…you’re another one…the same to you…whew…some people are…
**E: Van’s not talking about a real revolution, Larry, he’s…
**K: Oh…he’s not a Bill Ayers type, huh…(laughter)…
**E: Not funny, Larry. Bill Ayers is not a FOB…at least not now.
**K: You mean not a friend of Bill?
**E: Of course not, you knucklehead. Not a friend of Barack! Sorry about the …
**K: Don’t forget, folks…it’s Mary Jane and the Joints on Saturday night doing their big hit I Like the Ways of Your Haze, don’t miss it. Now for another commercial break! … Here we are back, folks, with Rahm, Mike and…and…and…
**J: Van, man, Van Jones. You some kinda bigot can’t remember my name.
**K: What’s that, caller? Got it. How about finishing up what you were saying about BP and the pres…er, CIC, Rahm? Caller seemed dissatisfied and also wants to know if you sent a dead fish to Howard Dean when he pulled the democrats through in 2006.
**E: You mean old Howie of the dream scream, Larry? They’re still looking for his tonsils in Iowa and he didn’t pull anybody through. If I’d had my way, there wouldn’t be any republicans in Congress.
**J: Hey, man, you oughtta be in STORM…better than old Ayers any day. Wipe out the whole republican caucus…AK-47s all the way…whoopee! Be an emergent insurgent!
**E: Shut up, Van! Back to the question, Larry! Of course, CIC didn’t collude with BP to blow up the Gulf and shift the focus away from Gitmo…and anyway BP said it would just be a small leak along with some more campaign cash…like another million or so…sorta like AIG off the hook and…how could we know…
(14 commercials and then the announcer)
And so it goes.
Jim Clark
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