DNC Memorandum #2

From the office of the chairperson, 26 May 2017

IMPORTANT NOTICE: Senator Durbin has been cadging TV-time in the capitol again (almost as much as republican charlatan Senators McCain and Graham), thus suggesting attention to his effort, with the collusion of former POTUS Obama and Senator Reid (perhaps suffering mid-life crises—little joke there), to lock Senator Burris, appointed to Obama's vacated Senate seat in 2009, out of his office (some claim even the restroom, too) and out of the Senate Chamber. Though well-documented, all three have denied this and said they would never do anything like that again. DO NOT—repeat...DO NOT mention these three names in any red/yellow/black/white-papers prepared for any senate staffer or lobbyist, no matter his/her degree of ignorance, account bad PR for the party. Also, feel free to trip any of them if you see them chasing TV-newsies and camera-people or photographers to stage free interviews. The DNC will cover any injuries to them but not you, so be careful.
***While campaigning with Senator Sanders recently somewhere in California (Governor Moonbeam's state—little joke there), I was informed by a DNC whistle-blower (name not given for obvious reasons) that there has been grumbling around the Bush Dart-Board, now located by the condom- & salt-sugar-lactose-peanut-caffeine-chocolate-free candy/drink-machine, that my effort with Bernie is heretical if not sinful since he admits to being a socialist, not a democrat. Regardless of Hillary's similar status, this is not true and a staffer will be handsomely rewarded for writing a red/yellow/black/white-paper proving why it isn't. For suggestions, contact Donna Brazile or Congressperson Wasserman-Schultz, recognized for their mental acuity, notwithstanding the events connected to the 2016 convention/CNN-debate.
***Be careful not to make too much of General Flynn possibly taking the Fifth since Hillary's computer partners-in-crime did the same, not to mention the IRS lady. Remember: POTUS is not Obama and Lynch is not AG so the fix is not in for heavy criticism. Also, use no pictures in visuals showing Trump shaking hands with the Saudi gang recently instead of bowing before them like POTUS Obama did in 2009. This is not even to mention the possibility of both Lynch and Hillary being forced to do the same (the Fifth cop-out) when the big hearings start and the rubber hits the road. Attorney General Sessions might have stupidly (as it turns out) recused himself from the Russian Roulette circus but that does not deter any action concerning Hillary, whom former FBI Director Comey declared under oath to have committed perjury, obviously premeditatively lying under oath.
***It’s okay to slam Trump for his meeting with the Pope since the two can’t stand each other over things like walls against immigrants, which the Pope said are un-Christian making Trump a hypocrite, and climate change, although be careful not to indicate that the Pope, being infallible and keeper of the truth, nevertheless does not actually claim that he can change the weather, much less the climate. Also, don’t mention the priesthood over which the Pope rules since pedophilia is a no-no in most civilized societies, as well as homosexuality, which the Pope seems about to embrace as normal. Remember that the Romans have the largest denomination in the U.S. and it’s largely made up of democrats. Never mention transgenders and it’s not okay to inveigh against abortion since maybe the majority of Catholic women, like most women, stand for the woman’s right to protect her body, code for ridding it of an inconvenient adjunct like a bad appendix or tonsil or fetus.
***Be careful about mentioning the collusion between the Trump-gang and the Russians to get Trump elected, at least for now since all election officials have insisted ad nauseam that the balloting in November was simon-pure and not affected by any outside influences. A raise will be awarded to anyone submitting a red/white/black/yellow-paper explaining how the Russians managed to hack into the voting machines/booths/ballot-boxes to defeat Hillary; however, do not mention that Putin was actually trying to get Hillary elected as payback for her well-publicized interference in his presidential election a while back and was even considering a tarmac tete-a-tete between Medvedev and U.S. AG Lynch, with Bubba thrown in for good measure, somewhere in the Crimea.
***In light of the Manchester-suicide-bombing, do not mention immigration in any town-hall meeting even though the bomber was home-grown, not some émigré from the Libyan al Qaeda. POTUS Trump has been right on this subject but try to call that tragedy a man-caused disaster, not terrorism (especially NOT Islamic terrorism), with a view toward enticing Obama, who made that important distinction, into the organizing trenches he knows so well. It’s already late to start the 2018 campaigns in the hope of turning the House so Trump can be impeached. Also, any sighting of Obama will be appreciated.

And so it goes.
Jim Clark

Tenuous Tenure

After taking office, Trump should have settled down to governing though a certain number of executive orders were necessary but without the accompanying fanfare.  Instead, the president has turned his tenure thus far into a circus; consequently, respected members of even his own party are justifiably disgusted even though the antics of some have matched Trump’s for inanity and political harm.

Trump’s Campaign tweeting was necessary for getting out his message and combating a mostly hostile media, print and electronic. Now, it’s reprehensible and childish, indicative of a playground mentality and obvious waste of time.  Matching tweet for tweet is like answering stupidity with stupidity.

An effective bombast mattered in the campaign, especially since Clinton’s success had been consensually accepted and needed to be neutralized by sheer numbers.  Clinton was mean-spirited to trot out the “gold-star-father,” actually a lawyer with connections to the Clintons, to berate Trump for a war she, not Trump, supported while in the Senate, thus trying to con the average citizens by insulting their intelligence.  Her mention of the basketful of deplorables (Trump supporters) was sickening, thus she was successfully ridiculed in the massive Trump rallies as insensative and out-of-touch.

Bombast-time is past and hopefully there will be no more rallies.  Trump’s braggadocio might have been marginally effective in campaigning.  Now, it’s boorish and often demeaning to both him and others.  Big crowds create neither jobs nor reasonable presidential decisions.  Using costly Air Force One for publicity stunts wore out its welcome with Obama.

There’s a fine line between an inferiority- and superiority-complex.  Each can drive a sufferer into paroxysms of attention-demanding behavior.  Trump seems afflicted with at least the latter and hasn’t learned that others have far more knowledge and experience than he.  He made good choices for his cabinet (surprisingly) but needs to let the secretaries function without carping criticism.

His choices of a billionaire CEO for State and military generals for Homeland Security, Defense and the NSC were good in that these people are disciplined and have been inordinately successful; however, they’re as strong-willed as he—and as smart or smarter—so he should not bicker with or about them.  They, like Trump, are accustomed to making decisions and giving orders and should not be expected to change.  Dragging his family into places of prominence was a tragic mistake.  Nepotism is okay in private enterprise but ugly in government.

In short, if Trump had done a 180 from campaign methods to governing, he would be sailing now.  Instead, he, like Obama before him, is still in campaign mode.  The most effective tool would have been shutting his mouth almost completely and growing another layer of skin.  He’s done neither.

Other prominent republicans have helped Trump to suffer.  For instance, high-profile Senators McCain, Rubio and Graham seem to have staffers searching congressional halls for the nearest TV “reporter/commentator/network-apparatchik” in order to appear nationwide throughout both day and night.

Each tries to conduct foreign policy, with McCain and Graham having insisted that Obama invade Libya and Syria, efforts both wrong-headed, foolish.  McCain even had photo-ops with his choice of insurrectionists in both places (though Syria was doubtful, probably Lebanon) as recipients of U.S. weapons.  All three waged unsuccessful presidential or veep campaigns, thus might suffer bouts of jealousy. 

Other republican leaders have joined virtually the entire democrat contingent in Congress in going after Trump for the “Flynn affair,” Russian collusion (already investigated to exhaustion with no charges), the Comey-firing and anything else that might elicit simply being fed-up with Trump’s buffoonery but matching it themselves. Vengeance is a politician’s stock-in-trade, and party/individual-loyalty is often not observed when elections are more important than legislating.

Like Obama before him, Trump’s main problems have been self-inflicted, the result of a super-inflated ego with tongue in gear before brain engaged. The one redeeming feature: Hillary Clinton is not president, and the Russians had nothing to do with that.

And so it goes.
Jim Clark

DNC Memorandum #1

From the office of the chairperson, 15 May 2017

***Listen up! There are no apologies offered for the absence of memos since my taking over the DNC, which I consider a great honor and applaud the efforts of former chairWOMAN Wasserman-Schultz. This has been a terribly busy time for the chairperson account having to further deal with the IRS scandals when I was an assistant attorney general, the Benghazi slaughter, Fast-and-Furious, Syria, ISIS, Ferguson, torture, Gruber, open borders, executive orders revising Obamacare/Immigration laws and the election in November, which at best was a Pyrrhic Victory for the republicans since they now have to fix the mess caused mostly by Pelosi and Reid (little joke[rs] there). Pursuant to the “Gruber Hearing” of the tenth, a new DNC agency labeled the Section for Consulting Healthcare Underwriters Managing Erratic Results (or SCHUMER for short) is being organized and its mission/contents pinned soon to the Bush Dart-Board, now located by the condom- & salt-sugar-lactose-peanut-caffeine-chocolate-free candy-machine, speaking of which everyone is urged to try the new yogurt-spinach-bar that features ingestion, injection or snorting, with a mortar and pestle and/or saline solution provided for the latter two. BTW, the rumor that Wasserman-Schultz, Brazile and Clinton fixed that CNN debate is untrue and all three have promised never to do that again, presumably in 2020, 2024 and 2028 if Hillary says so.

***Staffers are directed to NOT—repeat—NOT mention the former State Secretary unless it is unavoidable such as in the currently hostile press conferences. If the subject arises, the official line is that Kerry is suffering from PTSDDD (post traumatic stress defense department disorder, for recent Yale graduates on staff). Also, no interviews are to be scheduled with anyone connected to FOX News regarding any subject, especially with the lady-anchors, whose bare shoulders and thighs and outrageous cleavage-displays are designed for the huge republican-voting men's audience, which has the same degree of reverse hostility toward Obama as the New Black Panthers have for Georgia-crackers and Obama/Holder have for policemen.

***The Gruber brouhaha has attracted unattractive worldwide attention (called L'Affaire Gruber-Mal in France, for instance). MIT prof Gruber appeared recently before a congressional committee attempting to explain why he earned $400,000 writing Obamacare so nobody could understand it.  This has made it necessary to properly vet all individuals who are in any way connected to government or the DNC. The former president, as well as Al Sharpton, his then and maybe current aide-de-camp, did not trust the FBI, CIA, DEA, EPA, FEMA, the DCI or even OSHA to do the job so another DNC executive order is being structured currently for requiring that every operative submit to the Mandatory Intelligence Testing agency (MIT, for short) before taking a job, with the exception of anyone responsible for the former president's teleprompters for obvious reasons. In this regard, the wag who clandestinely left in the lounge that poster of the former president saying that POLICE ACT STUPIDLY will be sent to the Durbin Re-indoctrination Center & Gulag when apprehended, regarding which Durbin will offer an end-of-spring seminar on the similarity of American GIs to keepers of Stalin's gulags, Pol Pot's killing fields, and Hitler's Storm Troopers, a reprise of his statements during the Iraq War, which he visited occasionally or at least stopped by at the safest airport and once, with 10 body-guards and a wine-taster, even stepped from the plane for a minute.

***The recently-retired chairWOMAN has been rumored to have said in a speech to the Girl Scouts of Florida that women are justifiably and gradually taking over the government. This rumor is unfounded and the former chairWOMAN has promised not to say that again. However, she still resents the complaints accruing to the Helen Reddy version of I Am Woman not being played over the sound-system throughout the building on the hour. Women are now acting as observers of SEAL-training in preparation for their joining the SEALS in the near future. The president requested a year ago a DNC red/yellow/black/white paper to explain why this is both necessary and useful. Only one paper has been submitted and this is unacceptable, so be forewarned...heads will roll if someone doesn't think of at least one valid reason other than “looks cute in uniform.”

***The evil Fox News perpetrators of perverse propaganda cited the former president's 20-minute speech on the night of the Ferguson Grand Jury decision as a declaration of war against the police and his next-day travel to Chicago (aka the Illinois killing-fields) as his first campaign stop at the time to promote it (the war), especially as an answer to white racism in general and police racism in particular. The DNC was tasked to spin this Fox egregiousness into the former POTUS's love for the uniforms, but not to mention—NOT MENTION—his race in connection to the last two presidential elections. This is called “grubering,” perfectly acceptable in civil discourse since everyone knows the voters, or at least republican voters, are stupid and haven't noticed. As far as Hillary is concerned, say nothing lest AG Sessions consider a Grand Jury for her.

***As mentioned earlier, the DNC is still considering instituting a Department of Gender and has requested another yellow/black/white/red paper on how to do this while still awaiting word from the LBGTQ group as to how many genders there are. National Geographic recently suggested 14, give or take a couple too puzzling to figure.  This hasn’t been settled yet mainly because the American Conference of Transitioning and Ultimate Personhood (known for short as ACT-UP) still threatens to sue something or somebody if not included in the gender-count, but certainly not in the Q group. Also, a complaint from something called the Platonic Education Department Of Pleasing Habituations in Loving Eroticism (PEDOPHILE, for short) has been lodged with AG Sessions, claiming gender-status discrimination and threatening action from some Catholic priests account violation of First Amendment rights/nights. The DNC is preparing a summary of Plato's Symposium for all staffers in readiness for any sign that the former POTUS and now head of the party has evolved on this matter as he did regarding same-sex marriage. BTW, anyone sighting the former POTUS is to inform the chairman of his whereabouts. CongressWOMAN Pelosi is threatening to become party-spokesperson if assured her face won't break.

***Be thinking seriously about 2018. Hillary at last report is receiving treatment for CLD (Compulsive Lying Disorder) and should be campaign-tuned for next year's early start. Elizabeth Warren's half-breed (with a little pilgrim thrown in) image is a great crowd-pleaser and she has promised to know the state capitals by April. The thought that another male of any color might be elected is simply too much.

***Have a great summer but remember that any mention of July 4—if found out—means a pink slip. The current administration’s emphasis on patriotism is discriminatory, racist, gender-insulting and offends Bernie Sanders, with whom the chairperson is now campaigning in the interest of inclusiveness. The chairperson will also travel with a democrat if one is willing to run.

And so it goes.
Jim