BOY COLUMNIST (also known as L.D. Keeling of the local oracle of wisdom, the Lexington Herald-Leader) is on a roll again, the proof printed on 13 November when he found it absolutely/explicitly/morally necessary and in the vital best interests of the public (after nearly two months of refraining from the journalistically mandated urge) to return to referring to Governor Fletcher as Boy Governor. Since Boy Columnist admitted to being adversely affected (euphemism for being put out of his head) by the fumes of his lawnmower last summer, it could just be that he’s been operating a gas-driven leaf blower, but he must be given the benefit of the doubt, having already proven his wisdom in hyping the blackberry-jam-driven motivation of citizens to attack their Wal-Marts in behalf of slurping up this nectar from the Kentucky Mount Olympus known as Frankfort, home of the gods and goddesses of the state government who dally with the ordinary citizens in matters of MERIT and other undertakings such as those of former governor Patton who dallied in motel rooms with patronage persons of abilities ancillary to the merely civic.
Boy Columnist cited as his main reason for treating the public to this latest flash of extraordinary journalistic brilliance the fact that the public needs to know that some Fletcher aficionados had discovered a database from the previous Patton administration that included 7,400 names (count ’em) of folks worthy of merit or other kinds of jobs determined (gasp) possibly on the basis of political rather than meritorious qualifications, such as contributions to campaigns (or maybe even a bit of vote-buying?). Well…this amounts to only an average of 925 jobs per year (probably not counting Tina’s heavy-breathing suggestions during “pillow talk”), so why are the 7,400 names such a big deal? Didn’t this sort of thing happen in every administration? According to Boy Columnist, the answer to that is an unqualified YES.
That had to be the answer, of course, as aptly proven again by L-H writer Ryan Alessi in the 14 November issue in his mention of Patton’s being fined $5,000 in 2003 for improperly using his outreach offices as a clearinghouse for job recommendations. Since Patton is on the record as not knowing about such a database, he naturally would expect Boy Columnist and everyone else to believe that he – and possibly Tina – would never ever resort to messing with the merit or any other system.
Boy Columnist has an “out,” though, being the brilliant journalistic strategist that he is, affirming that, while Patton never made the mistake of being corralled by the Attorney General, poor Fletcher did. Of course, the Attorney General during the Patton administration was fellow democrat Ben Chandler, so naturally Patton’s merit shenanigans never rose to the level of crimes and misdemeanors…indeed, they never rose to violations more serious than those handled by some ethics committee/commission (euphemism for the gang that slaps wrists). This is what should have happened in the case of the Fletcher peccadilloes, minor as they were, but, alas, the poor governor was hoist on his own petard, either he or his aides or both or all having made the fatal error of using e-mail to carry out their dastardly deeds. Sharp prosecutors could doubtlessly charge Patton retroactively with the same crimes as those leveled against either Fletcher or his former (now pardoned) aides, but the legislature long since and predictably precluded such a juicy opportunity for an opposing, incoming administration to do mischief by placing a one-year limit on such prosecutions.
Boy Columnist did show some magnanimity by not also reverting to his classification of Fletcher bureaucrats as the Kiddie Korps, implying that the former KKs have been pardoned anyway, and explaining at least implicitly why the current crop, on the basis of the weak excuse “that everybody did it” proving their juvenile credentials for also being KKs, will not also be classified as the KK – simply because of the goodness of his heart. Or…it just may be because he’s fired up his lawnmower again. Only the Shadow knows.
And so it goes.
Jim Clark
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