Ode to Climate-Change

The big news in the world of anthropology this week had to do with the latest bag of bones accounted by the “experts” as being that “missing link,” never mind its tail that was as long as the rest of its skeleton. Doesn’t every human being have a long-tailed ancestor in his/her bone-bag history? The fossil (aren’t they all) was alive in Germany 47 million years ago, according to the experts; however, with maybe a slight snicker, one might take that time-frame with a grain of salt. Forty-seven MILLION!

That’s not actually the biggest part of the big news, though. According to the experts, the primate, named Eda by whoever has that privilege, lived and died in a tropical rain forest – a TROPICAL RAIN FOREST in Germany, known for its cold and snowy winters! One snickers at the thought of a rain-forest in Germany in any millennium, give or take a few million of them.

BUT, from an article by BBC News in November 2001 dealing with the time when birds ate horses in Germany came this statement: “The forest dwelling horses come from a time, 49 million years ago, when tropical forests stretched right to the poles.” The tropics reached to the poles – that’s the North Pole and the South Pole, which current folks understand to be cold, cold, frozen cold.

Question: Since as far as is known there were no human beings 47 million years ago burning coal and driving SUVs to fire carbon into the air and kill the earth, as the panicky global-warming crowd says is happening now, how did Congo-land and the Amazon Forest globalize themselves so far north and south that they virtually melted the world, and gigantic birds in Germany were feasting on horses, preferably french-fried, of course?

Logical answer: Ask Al Gore, esteemed Nobelist, though without any actual scientific acuity regarding the climate. The current climate-change brouhaha is, of course, a humongous hoax designed primarily by the IPCC of the United Nations, this country’s worst enemy in all the world. The IPCC’s claptrap is designed to break this country, and the current administration is hell-bent on helping it do just that. Climate cycles have run their courses since the beginning and humanoids have virtually nothing – if, indeed, anything – to do with them. The credible scientists in this country claim the world started a cooling trend in about 2000. So much for the hand-wringers! The sky is not falling.

Ode to Climate-Change

It was one-hundred-ten degrees
When primates swung throughout the trees –
The place was known as Germany,
The year was 50 mil B.C.

The one called Eda got a scare…
She aimed her tail at…well, just air
And fell upon her left-claw wrist –
That caused for her an awful twist.

But not worry, not to fret,
The limbs below just formed a net…
She slowly landed in some slime
And waited for a better time.

The experts said, with straight of face,
That Germany was one hot place,
That birds ate horses for dessert,
Exhaled vile carbon air-borne dirt.

They said the tropics reached the poles
And Germany was full of holes
Where year-round temps were…well, Congo,
And primates died in lava-flow.

But when the icy ages came,
Saint Al the Gore of Nobel fame
Just missed that part of Nature’s way
Of taking care of life, decay.

And so he prates of climate-change
As wrought by man…EGAD!…how strange,
Since no one knows where ice came from…
In the Atlantic…frozen numb.

And no one knows how Germany
Got hot without humanity
To change the climate’s yin and yang –
An inconvenient truth – Big Bang?

And so the green-gang soldiers on,
Determined that the earth is gone
If man insists on driving cars
Or staying warm beneath the stars.

The thing that saves is cap-and-trade,
The plan the legislators made
To tax the world…not all, of course…
The Chinese laugh at such recourse.

Ah no…the tax is U.S. bound,
Where all the suspects can be found;
The tax will fill the nations till…
It is the politicians’ swill.

But…climate-change is nature’s way
Of balancing earth’s night and day,
And only fools think otherwise…
Their pride is bigger than God’s skies.

And so it goes.

Jim Clark