Sunday, August 15, 2010

DNC Memorandum #17

From the office of Tim Kaine, chairman, 15 August 2010

***Note that the title for this office has been changed back to “chairman.” Frankly, the people who count in the party (biggest givers, the capitalists) objected to the purposeful use of communist terms such as “commissar” and “commissariat” for the party, even though they understand that the president still intends to TRANSFORM the party and country into communality. The biggies, especially in Hollywood, have theirs safely stashed here and there in places like the Caymans and Switzerland (check with Senator Kerry for possibilities) and so can’t be hurt by the president’s insistence that the Constitution must be rewritten to allow for proper redistribution of wealth. Also, nasty republicans have been heard calling the DNC a bunch of Obamacacas (Obama’s monkeys, for recent Harvard grads who think a macaca is a rum-and-bottled water). The use of the term “macaca” was gangbusters for former Virginia Senator Allen, and the party can’t take a chance on even a joking linkup of it with democrats.

***The elections are only weeks away so staffers will soon be given a red/yellow/black/white politically correct paper for use in preparing for door-to-door love-ins with democrats and confrontations with republicans, as well as how to manipulate the public at rallies for specific candidates. In Pennsylvania, for instance, the subject must be guided toward the bravery of Congressman Sestak in overcoming turncoat Arlen Specter in the primary, not about the offer by former POTUS Clinton, representing POTUS Obama, of a position in the Administration in exchange for Sestak’s stepping aside. The rumor is not true that POTUS did not approve of Sestak because he was a naval vice admiral and might not, for reasons of conscience (that military thing) and independence (as a civilian no longer accountable to the commander-in-chief), toe the Reid/Pelosi/Obama line, assuming R and P make it back, iffy at the moment.

***While awaiting the yellow/black/white/red paper (order adjusted to keep political correctness in place), staffers are directed as they attend events around the country not to mention – REPEAT – not to mention either the economy or the Afghan situation…and certainly not – REPEAT – not the recent trip by POTUS-FL and daughter for, among other things, a tete-a-tete with the King and Queen of Spain. That trip cost the nation a bundle at a time when people are losing their houses and jobs in record numbers and 25% of folks are out of work. If the subject arises, simply state that POTUS-FL was pushing Gulf Coast tourism and Gulf seafood as a special favor to entrepreneurs on the Gulf who have been damaged by BP. Do NOT mention that Spain is bankrupt since that might give the impression that Spanish folks are too broke for either vacations or seafood. Make it plain that Rahm Emanuel has stated that the trip was not made in order to gain the Latino vote and that he will not so state again.

***There has been snickering around the bottled-water keg and non-trans-fat, non-hamburger (eating grease okay if Senator Biden does), non-hotdog, non-dairy-product-of-any-kind, non-chocolate, non-smoking (smoking okay if Obama lights up), veggie-fortified, yogurt-enhanced snack-bar and body-mass-chart, carbon-cap-graph, endangered-species-obituary-wall-chart, blue/red-state-map, and Bush/BP/Limbaugh-dartboard to the effect that POTUS officially threw Congressman Rangel under the bus in a speech the other day, claiming that, after all, he’s 80 years old and should give it up. The point to be made is that POTUS said Rangel must go with dignity (another way of suggesting ’fessing up – little joke there) and now is the time to do it…without the hassle of an ethics brouhaha right before an election. Anyone with pull with Congresswoman Waters is urged to urge her to also ’fess up and cut the crap. Especially with the charges against them, both are guaranteed to retain their seats in November since they represent precincts that understand their shenanigans so they have nothing to lose. Remember Congressman Jefferson – reelected in 2006 even with all that $90,000 stashed among the frozen chicken wings. Okay, he’s doing time now.

***No black/white/red/yellow paper (order adjusted again to keep political correctness in place) papers have been received as per the request of Attorney General Holder concerning an up-to-date definition of the “typical white person.” AG Holder has been getting flak account his assertion that Americans are too cowardly to discuss race and he suspects that the flak is coming from typical white people, whoever they are. POTUS also is interested and has been somewhat bothered by the fact that media people have inquired of Robert Glibs…er, Gibbs as to the definition of a “typical black person.” The staffer who comes up with an acceptable white/red/yellow/black paper (order adjusted again to keep political correctness in place) defining both “typical people” will be awarded two weeks vacation on the Gulf Coast, unfortunately the only politically correct area at this time. He/she will be given the opportunity to help with cleanup, though most of the oil can’t be found at the present time.

***The lawmakers are off until Labor Day, so the country is safe for a few weeks (little joke there). NOTICE: In a few days, as per the ruling of Justice Walker of the Ninth Circuit, staffers may marry their same-sex partners in California. It’s not known if the justice is in a loving relationship with his partner or not, or even if he has a fulltime partner, but staffers wanting to marry their partners will be reassigned to California upon application if they at least exchange warm-fuzzies and hugs for a three-month period. No prying will be done into other stuff. No relocation allowances will be paid, so a DNC partner with a non-working, non-DNC partner might do well to make the move and find another partner, though republican partners will not be acceptable even after three months of ecstasy.

And so it goes.
Jim Clark


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