It's mid-afternoon in a room over the Anything Goes Bar on a busy street in South Chicago. In attendance are university professors William Ayers and his wife Bernardine Dohrn, the Rev. Dr. Jeremiah Wright and presidential adviser Robert Gibbs, hereinafter referenced as A, D, W and G, respectively.
**W: Welcome, Mr. Gibbs, to the Union to Negate Demeaning of Erudite Realists, Theologians and Honest Educators Basic to the United States.
**G: The what?
**W: You mean you don’t know what the…in fact, I figured you’re here to join, now that you ain’t in that Washington nuthouse anymore.
**A: Maybe you’ve heard of it by its Acronym, Gibbs, Under the Bus. It’s made up of the people who’ve been…
**W: kicked off the team because they stand up for…
**D: Oh…don’t be so whiny, Rev. Just because Barry had to disown you after that awful performance at the National Press Club…after all, you got your reparations in the 1960s and…
**W: We ain’t got no reparations yet Bernardine, and I’ll thank you to call me Doctor, not Rev.
**G: Could we just get down to business here, folks? I’m on a tight schedule as an adviser to Commander-in-Chief Obama and…
**A: What’s with the C-in-C stuff, Gibbs? Can’t you just say…
**G: Oh…sorry about that. The comman…er…Barry required all the staff to address him as Commander-in-Chief at all times except in public and…well, the habit’s hard to break. Anyway, Barry asked me to consult with you guys concerning the current campaign so…
**W: I suspect he also told you to make sure nobody saw you consulting so that’s why we’re in this fleabag bar and probably house of the risin’ sun on these other floors. (starts singing) There is a house in New Orleans…
**D: That’s not exactly a hymn Dr. Wright.
**W: I know, I know, but I like the tune. You oughtta hear Louie play it on the violin…gives it real passion…risin’ sun passion…no burkas there…no nothin’ there…talk about passion…hoo-hah!
**G: Louie? Who’s Louie?
**A: Louis Farrakhan, of course…surely you’ve heard of Calypso Louie, sometimes called the enforcer and head of the Nation of…
**D: Islam…right in these United States. (laughs maniacally) You know…Malcolm X is in his grave/Wrong, of course, but oh so brave! Ah…gunfire in the night…GLORIOUS…although I would have preferred a knife in the ribs…no fun at such a distance. Charles Manson would have been much more creative and…
**A: Yeeeaaahhh…maybe thrown a grenade down his skivvies like that plane-bomber last Christmas…like we threw in the Pentagon back in the day…ah, we didn’t do enough…that’s what I told them after 9/11…shoulda gone for old Tricky or Lyndon…whoever…
**G: Look…like I said…I’m on a tight schedule. You can reminisce after I leave. I WILL leave before you do since Barry said for me not…
**W: to be seen with the Under-the-Bus crowd. Yeah…that might look bad, what with these Pentagon-bombers runnin’ loose and teachin’ all those kids here how to hate America.
**D: Oh yeah, Jeremiah…oh yeah! You’re a fine one to say that after your God-damn-America sermons
(laughs hysterically) and blaming Uncle Sugar for clobbering the black folk with AIDS…AIDS, for Satan’s sake. What a miserable death…COOL.
**G: Back to the subject! Look, the comman…er, Barry…is getting a lot of questions on Libya so he told me to ask you specifically about that issue and…
**A: ISSUE? That’s no issue…that’s a genuine problem…whether to go on killing Libyans to keep Libyans from killing Libyans or just let them kill each other without blowing all that cash on bombers and missiles and all the time telling the Frenchies to get their act together and be our proxies in the killing.
**D: I’m for landing the troops and arming them with machetes because that’s so…well, AFRICAN. (laughs uproariously) Chopping off hands and arms and legs and a head once in a while…SO African…all that blood in the streets…WHOOPEE!
**A: Yeeaahh…so MUSLIM, too. I understand Barry’s deep into Islam anyway and a few beheadings on TV might just do the job…scare old devil Muammar out of his skull and right into…hey…Gitmo! Let’s hear it for Guantanamo! (clapping by A, D and W)
**W: Throw a little AIDS his way, too. That’ll get his attention…there is a house…h-m-m-m-ms…
**G: Look, I’m serious about this.
**A: We are, too. Barry’s way too soft…sent those three girls off to the UN to tell that sob story about something that hadn’t even happened…got nine votes…or was it eight…to just bomb the Libyans right back into Mohammad’s seventh century.
**G: He’s got nothing against the Libyans…just Qaddafi!
**D: What’s one Libyan over another? That’s discrimination…huh, Jeremiah?
**W: Well…yeah…I guess. Anyway, the seat of civilization was down there around the Congo anyway, so one Muslim’s the same as any other…or maybe I better talk to Louie about that and get back to you, Glibs…er…Gibbs, I guess it is. I always thought you were kinda glib except when you said uh, which was about fourteen times a sentence. Carney started off about the same way but maybe he’ll…
**G: Oh yeah…oh yeah! You got any idea how hard it is to stay one step ahead of those media nutcases? I used that uh to give me time to think. One wrong word and the comman…er…Barry would look bad and sic Biden on me…wake him right up and tell him to give me what-for. (hesitates) Guess you guys are telling me that you think Barry should send in the troops…is that it?
**W: Well…he started it, didn’t he, and then invited NATO to take over and called off the troops? Now the chickens have come to roost…just like Hiroshima and…
**A: Right sermon, wrong war, Jeremiah. But, yeah, Glibs, just tell Barry we’re taking up money for him down here and to send in the clowns…no wait…send in the troops. The clowns are all in Washington.
**G: Right! Got it! Thanks…now just give me five minutes start.
**A, D, W: a-a-r-r-g-g-h-h-A-A-R-R-G-G-H-H-A-A-R-R-G-G-H-H!!!!!
And so it goes.
Jim Clark
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