Sunday, March 08, 2015

Academia 2015

In Academia two-o-one-five
The most important thing to thrive and jive
Is basketball or football one-o-one,
The most sought-for degree – game to be won;
The “student” athlete is B-M-O-C,
For him attending class a novelty,
Since he flies to and fro across the land
For weeks in transit to some new grandstand.

The coach is now a multimillionaire,
The profs – with luck – afford some underwear,
The “student” athlete is okay to play
If he can spell his name the same each day;
Next to the coach, the A-D's deal is best,
His bonuses alone he can invest
In hedge-funds run by cronies all well-heeled...
The president envies and is...gasp...thrilled.

Assistant coaches struggle mightily
–Six-hundred-thou a puny salary–
But, after all, on some days there is rain
So on the practice-field must risk a sprain;
Assistant profs pay rent but get a lift
Moonlighting, flipping burgers on night-shift,
The renovated stadia can now
Accommodate more fat cats—sports cash-cow. is the best deal found
When TV-folks spread billions all around,
The straight-A students work the fast-food store
While scholarships abound for any score
Above D-minus for one who runs fast
Or puts a quarterback in six-week cast –
Corruption is the campus-game throughout,
Take that right to the bank and never doubt.

And so it goes.
Jim Clark

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