Thursday, September 15, 2016

Election-year Limericks

Election campaigns can be such a bore, especially the quadrennial ones vis-a-vis the presidency, when lies seem most often to supplant truths as part of the standard to use in determining trust or distrust of the candidates. Observing the lowly limerick might be a lighthearted respite from the grind of listening to boring speeches filled with hyperbole and promises, most of which will never be kept after a winner takes office and discovers he must engage with both the Congress and the Courts to get anything done...or undone. A few limericks:

The Donald called her “Crooked Hillary,”
To whom the truth was her worst enemy
**She dodged truth like the plague
**As something far too vague
To trust it to the dumb citizenry.

He said he would make U.S. great again
As if right then it was as black as sin
**But little did he know
**All candidates thus so
Have always said the same...rarely begin.

Islamaphobes she said the Donald drew
To all his rallies...wicked through and through –
**Of Muslims she thought well
**Despite their wish of hell
For her and all her apparatchik-crew.

Trump's crowds were huge, just like his hair,
Protesters in it were not rare
**They tried to shut him down,
**The greatest show in town,
But quickly given quite a scare.

The Donald said McCain was no hero,
That people who got caught were kinda slow,
**But ere the votes cause fact
**Those words he must retract
As nothing more than hot air his to blow.

She said the Donald would be dangerous,
Would start a war account a simple fuss,
**He said she was too weak
**To give ISIS a tweak,
Much less a blow to bring on quietus.

She said Trump would protect his rhyming part
If ever Putin said he was not smart,
**Trump said that Clinton lied
**From morn till night betide,
And for the working poor she had no heart.

A government of Trump would just be rump
Opponents said in speeches on the stump,
**Aides running it each day
**With Trump always away
Just making deals more cash to to Trump to pump.

She said that Trump and Putin had conspired!
To hack both of her servers they had hired
**A fifth-grade prodigy
**Who had no tech degree
And so her own experts she quickly fired.

Bad vibes is what the Hill said Bernie had...
Though not admitting it this made her mad
**She said it was her turn
**Amid near meltdown burn,
She said old Bern was chauvinistic cad.

Hillary said she regretted she said
Half Trump's supporters deplored and head-dead,
**Percent eighty-nine
**She said would be fine...
The Donald just laughed...which made her see red.

Tisket-a-tasket Donald's weird basket
Holding some cases Clinton called basket,
**With xenophobes piled there
**And racists compiled there,
Donald just smiled there—she blew a gasket!

She said her basement server was okay,
But F-B-I director said no way,
**So then she blamed poor Powell,
**Who put up raucous howl,
From disbelief, then, no one could she sway.

She said she never, ever told a lie
But mentioned sad Benghazi with a sigh,
**She said what now the difference...
**Protesters simply jumped a fence...
And wielding signs bashed only four to die.

The Donald said illegals had to go,
That he would chase them down quite to-and-fro
**As if he really could
**Or even that he would
Since millions of them help this country grow.

Trump said Obama was not native-born,
That Hillary all truth would just suborn,
**Odd couple they had formed
**And government deformed...
Throughout the world invited naught but scorn.

She claimed her server was for privacy,
Her e-mails not for everyone to see,
**Too bad she just forgot
**That e-mails never rot,
To all the world top-secrets now are free.

Some citizens she called deplorable,
By contrast said she was adorable...
**To vote republican
**Meant brain that needed scan,
Assuming one be found explorable.

Some said she lacked lucidity
While others charged stupidity
**But all agreed Hill knew
**Already whom to screw –
The Sanders-gang unceasingly.

The Clintonite was said to be ahead,
She claimed her prime opponent's head was dead,
**Her charge—he lacked experience
**That coupled with a brain so dense
Meant USA was doomed if by him led.

As secretary of the State
And public figure quite sedate,
**A million miles she flew,
**Said nothing that was true...
With snickers round the world her fate.

He said he would construct a southern wall,
That Mexico would ante for it all,
**But Mexicans said, “Whoa,
**To pay we will forgo,”
Insisted that the Donald would install.

Broadcasted live on C-Span—perjury,
Caught under oath with falsehood—Hillary,
**She lied there in Congress,
**With charges no progress,
Loretta Lynching not—Hillary free!

For years she longed to be the president,
She said a woman's turn was evident,
**But basement server sank her,
**Erased e-mails betrayed her,
While twisting in the wind she wailed lament.

With braggadocio the Donald speaks
And talks of all the wonders that he wreaks,
**But he misspoke badly,
**Punctured his pride sadly,
His word about McCain with venom reeks.

The N-C-A-A cut N-C right out
Since transgender guys could not hang about
**In womens' restrooms where
**No urinals found there...
Ordered they go where their sex not in doubt.

Powell's e-mail hacker brought light to payback
To Clinton, who caused him unwelcome flack
**He said she was not nice,
**Had greed as profound vice...
With Trump a disgrace, he cut them no slack.

A basket of deplorable
With sanity improbable,
**She said supported Trump,
**Their brains a solid lump
That constitutes insoluble.

The homophobes, said Hillary,
Are Trump supporters, hatefully,
**They are deplorable,
**Are not charitable,
Do not observe diversity.

Yeah...I know – apologies! And so it goes.
Jim Clark

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