Cancun-by-the-sea...Farewell!

In balmy Cancun-by-the-sea
The I-P-C-C came to play
And thousands more insipidly
Joined in to play and look for pay;
They came from all the world throughout
To caterwaul of climate-change –
Claimed warming…yes…without a doubt,
Was making elephants act strange;
Nobelist Gore had made it plain
That man was messing with God’s plan
And, though some called him quite insane,
Insisted there were things to ban;
He said that light-bulbs had to go,
Their use of current quite too much,
He fought their incandescent glow,
Said only hard-of-heart used such;
He speechified…well…everywhere
That evil people hated ice
And thus deprived the polar bear
Of pleasant living – chilly, nice;
Yes, Algore made it very plain
That man kills Mother Nature’s way…
He causes earthquakes…stops the rain,
And kills the forests – gasp – so fey;
Obama’s reps were there to make
His case that carbon is so bad
That drastic measures we should take,
Lest all the world become quite mad
At Uncle Sam for burning coal
To make electric things…well…work,
That U.S. folks just have no soul,
Should pay the world for this strange quirk;
And gasoline – oh – say no more…
Is gross, so fossilized, impure,
Emitting evil, to the core,
And warmth the cosmos must endure;
He recommends to check all tires
And make their p-s-i just so,
Lest all the world have ghastly fires
As warming hovers to and fro;
Alarmists view the cattle herd
As damning air with methane gas
And claim that this is so absurd –
We die of beef, of course, en masse;
The prexy owns G-M, of course,
And, with the unions, Chrysler, too,
Yet, seems to want to try the horse
Since cars emit vile C-O-2;
If not the horse, then batteries –
But never mind the source of charge,
Which comes from coal-fired enemies
That poison air with their discharge;
Cancun was limping at its close,
The partiers…well…rather glum,
The Cancun temps at record lows
For days made partying so bum;
The coolness came from global heat
That mostly U.S. folks have brought –
At least that was the common bleat
Of those who braved the cold’s onslaught;
The beaches at fifty degrees
Invited mockery and flight –
Another reason global fees
The U.S. owes for such a plight;
Kyoto, with a whimper, went…
Japan and Russia…well…demurred,
And China promised to repent –
No one believed a single word;
The thousands on expense accounts
Or maybe through a U-N fund
Have left for home on fossiled mounts
With spirits sadly moribund;
So…Cancun is now history,
Like Copenhagen, laughingly,
COP 17 next year will be
In balmy Durban-by-the-sea;
The temps should reach eighty degrees,
But global warming could invade
As summertime brings gentle breeze,
And put Cancun in icy shade!
By then the warming may be moot
Since cooling has gone on for years,
But other culprits follow suit
To keep the world in doubts and fears;
Perhaps I-P-C-C will claim
That fateful cooling has set in,
That Bush and Cheney get the blame,
With Halliburton’s yang and yin;
These evil entities are said
By Truthers ranging far and wide
To do bad things, fill earth with dread
And laugh at simple fratricide
Like 9/11’s tragedy
When, with Osama, they bade well
To wreck U.S. economy,
Replace it with their greedy sell,
Or caused the levees’ weird collapse
When sweet Katrina swept the seas
Right through those wide and awful gaps
And brought Big Easy to its knees;
Yes, coolness is well on its way,
The I-P-C-C may suspect,
That’s why warm Durban-by-the-bay
Will sport the climate’s best effect;
The gurus at the C-R-U
Will not be there to scare the world,
The hockey-stick will be gone, too,
At Mann the insults would be hurled;
So…Cancun-by-the-sea…farewell,
You were a great time for hot air –
Not even it could make things jell…
For partiers, it was not fair.

And so it goes.
Jim Clark