Sunday, April 07, 2013

Why Not Just LAUGH?

What happens when a country heads into “Triviality Land?” Who knows, but one thing is sure, to wit, that it’s desperately searching for an outlet to satisfy its collective need for some sort of relief from things like debt, seat-belts, and mothers-in-law. Throw North Korea’s little imp, Kim Jong Un (otherwise known as Dennis Rodman’s useful idiot…or…vice versa…take your choice), into the mix and…gangbusters for depression. Let’s hear it for some light triviality to dispel the gloom!

Take the president’s latest gaffe although lots of men would not recognize it. Actually only the gals Limbaugh calls the feminazis would…or those super-feminists who yell for combat and stagger under a 70-pound pack. The prez alluded to a lady official as being the most attractive of her ilk in the nation. The politically-correct crowd has accused him of everything from sex-mongering to gender-discrimination to outright creepiness to (gasp and three palpitations of the liver) LUST, made famous by his predecessor back in the day—Jimmy Carter who, nevertheless, considered voyeurism a SIN.

Or, take the case of Mark Sanford, for laughs. Yes, take it, you say, and deep-six it somewhere, the creep. Okay, Sanford, former South Carolina governor who partied in Argentina when he said he was walking the Appalachian Trail, has just won a primary runoff election for a seat in the Congress and has introduced to the public the hot Argentine babe who’s been his shack-up gal. Marriage didn’t get in his way back in the day but now he refers to the tango-chick as his fiancee. Don’t they all? Republicans are not laughing but democrats are sharpening their self-righteous knives and hoping no one mentions Bill Clinton or the “secrets” in Obama’s autobiography or divulged by his live-ins…or the “Baucus l’affaire,” when the senator was ramming Obamacare through the Senate whilst desperately moving his mistress to Washington.

For laughs, take the phrases of the day especially loved by the elitist talk-show crowd—“Guess What” or “You know what?” Fox’s Juan Williams loves this one…sort of dangles his wisdom out there for the recipient to salivate over. He uses it right in the middle of sentences – makes its profoundness superior even to the language itself – and dares the listener to double-down (current “fighting” euphemism for “emphasize”) on his pronouncement or miss the latest declaration from the Oracle at Delphi.

Like “double-down,” the precious and profoundly propounding of “point in time” is another laughable favorite of the news- anchors, officials and such. Instead of the steady “now,” to refer to…well, NOW, it’s so gauche to use that one-syllable word when one can evince superb intellectual acuity by comparing the instant to eternity itself. One supposes they mean to impress God…or…okay, be fair…each other. The rest of the citizens laugh and wonder how such silliness gets in the game.

Oh yes…the most glorious subject these days is same-sex marriage—all those elected officials coming out (no pun intended) for this blissful conjoining of the…well, whatever, having believed obviously rigged polls indicating that the average John Doe actually goes for it. The homosexuals liked “queer” for a while, then changed to “gay,” so one wonders what in this latest paroxysm of political correctness they will adopt—maybe “whoopee?” The minister intones solemnly, “I now pronounce you whoopee and whoopee, you may now kiss the whoopee unless you would prefer another sign of endearment…but not here.” Egad!

John McCain, who seems to have staffers on the lookout for cameras 24/7 (sorta like Senators Graham and Lieberman, laughably, not to mention Schumer, even more laughably), sometimes uses the term “terrorism,” a definitely gauche, adolescent term which the president and Homeland Security guru Napolitano have erased from the lexicon and replaced by the term “man-caused disaster.” Why use one word and be accurate when three words could be used and indicate real stupidity? But terrorism is kinda tough-sounding and the prexy’s Muslim roots should, of course, be accommodated—political correctness observed and duly worshiped. The towers came down as an act of man-caused disaster—has such a nice ring to it. Ask the survivors.

Flash…an all-important revelation! Hillary Clinton, having sized-up the latest rigged polls, has decided that two men marrying each other is anything but laughable, which, of course, makes it laughable. She has calculated the whoopee vote—huge percentage of the electorate—and decided that fair’s fair and if two guys want to make…well, whoopee, they should do it legally.

This makes the 2016 cycle s-o-o-o interesting, what with Long John Kerry gadding about the world in her old plane and looking to that year, himself. He might even find those medals or ribbons (or maybe scivvies) that he threw over the fence back in the day when he and Jane Fonda made common cause while ol’ John McC languished in the Hanoi Hilton…not Woodstock, for Hillary’s edification.

Both of them have had a try now, though Kerry made it into the big runoff so he has seniority. A primary between those two would indeed be laughable. Hillary could describe her desperate, running escape from the Bosnian snipers in 1996, and John could talk about his trip to Paris in 1970 to stop the war so everyone could get off. The collective hot air could make a dent in the Keystone Pipeline, which Obama will likely say is too dangerous to some almost-extinct gnat to build. Laughable…oh yeah!

And so it goes, laugh-wise.
Jim Clark

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